I cried hot tears this morning on the altar as we (the choir) ministered our special song; Toya Eze by Tim Godfrey. I had managed to hold back the tears but as soon as we got to "Idiri Obim Mma" part, the flood gates were opened. It means "You're good to my heart" but my personal translation for that phrase is "You've made my heart happy".
Now back to why I shed tears. During the week, Facebook had reminded me about a post I made in 2017 about events in 2016. Right there on stage, the memories came flooding back. The period 2012-2017 were the toughest years of my life. The domestic violence, the abuse, the several suicide attempts, the strangulation I suffered, the maltreatment, the separation from my suckling infant, the several losses, the poverty, the deep sadness that eventually led to depression, the shame, the disgrace, the divorce, the starting over from nothing. I am no longer that person. God has made my heart happy. I am blessed with the best husband, amazing children. We are thriving. My heart is happy. The tears I cried were of joy. ÀséwéréniséOluwá
The reference post ⬇️
JUST BEFORE YOU SCREAM 'GOALS' (26th Nov 2016)
*The car in the picture is not mine. As a matter of fact, I 'backed' my daughter to cross the express road and used keke Napep (tricycle) to complete the journey. My friend ordered a cab to take us back home.
*The wig was given to me by the friend I was visiting. This was after she saw the state of the wig I wore to her house.
*That was not the dress I wore to her house. I changed into it after she gave me. I was wearing an okrika (fairly used) top I bought for N500 (it was even a gift to myself for sticking to my meal plan.)
*The sandal was my neighbour's. Said she couldn't let me go out with what I had on.
*I was smiling but my heart was greatly troubled. I went out without seeking 'permission' (from my ex spouse)I knew I wouldn't be given and I had gotten a call informing me I was in trouble. Still I posed for the picture while thinking my life was over that day.
Make no mistake however, I was very content in my situation. I was/am all about the will of God.
Looking at the picture without all these information, it looks like I was living the life. 😂 Don't let the gram fool you. EVERYONE is fighting their own battles. Don't feel frustrated because someone's life looks perfect on social media or outwardly while you can't seem to get your life together. People let you see what they want you to see. DO NOT compare your journey, marraige, relationship, business, children, parents, siblings, job, lifestyle, etc with anyone else. The only 'GOALS' in my life is Jesus Christ. He keeps it real. 💯💯💯💯💯💯With Jesus, there is no need for pretence. He went through every kind of temptation and he daily teaches us how we too can live above sin. There is no hidden or coded part to Him. You see EVERYTHING.
My name is Love, I am imperfectly perfect and my transparency makes people uncomfortable. I fell from grace to grass and I am not ashamed. Still, I rise.
