Episode 8. Happy Endings

 On Happy Endings

The first time I set my eyes on my husband was in church. He was leading the choir and it was the most beautiful thing ever. I had been back home about a month but I had not resumed with the choir. The song he led broke me so much, I decided I would return to my place of service immediately.

The next time we ran into each other again was in Redemption Academy. Working in the same place, attending the same church and singing in the same choir made it inevitable for us to always run into each other.

We fast became great friends. The first connection was the music. Singing together was magical every time.

Post divorce, I said I was not interested in any relationship or even marriage again. I remember my counsellor trying to get me out of this mindset several times. I just wanted to focus on God, myself and my child.

But then I started to get marriage suitors. It was weird. I remember one travelling almost 8 hours to see me and in my mind I was like "bruh, ko necesstri. I'm not doing this marriage thing again o". It was like God rubbed one attention cream on my face that kept attracting men. And they were quality men. I would often gist Ehi (my husband) about these guys and we would laugh over it. Ehi was in a relationship at the time.

Then I met this sweet guy and started catching feelings. Sister Love that said she will not marry 😂. He was such an awesome person. We began dating and plans were already underway to see my parents when I started to get dreams. God mostly communicates with me via dreams so I take them very seriously. In the dreams, we were fighting a lot. Each time I prayed about them, I heard clearly that he was not my husband. I cried o. A person might be good but not good FOR YOU. I called it off and blocked him everywhere because my heart could not take it. Then I asked Ehi to help me call him when my book #31mornings was released. I wanted to send a copy since he was a strong support at the writing stage. He declined. It was a painful season but God gave us grace to both move on. P.s during this relationship, Ehi was getting jealous that I did not have his time again. Uncle I don't get it, face your own relationship na 😝

I was on my own minding my business when I dreamt and saw myself in a wedding dress and Ehi in a suit. I did not tell anyone, I refused to admit what it meant. Then my mother dreamt twice that she saw both of us getting married. Then somebody else and then another. Ha God! Off your mic, I have heard. I started catching feelings but I had to lock up😂

So basically, I knew Ehi was my husband but he did not know and I wasn't going to tell him.😂 My beloved aunty Taiwo always says "God is not a gossip. If he needs someone to know something, he can tell the person by himself". Of course there are exceptions but on that matter, God was going to have to tell him by himself. I wasn't getting involved.

We continued being great friends but I did not want to make it easy for God😄 so I began to withdraw. Ehi noticed and asked what was going on. I told him I felt we were too close especially as he was in a relationship. I told him it made me really uncomfortable (and it really did) and asked that he kindly limit his calls and messages to me. I stopped calling from my end except when it was necessary.

Then one day! Somebody say 'One day!', brother Ehi's eyes were opened. It was a Sunday evening. I got a call from him that he was outside my door. I let him in and he told me he had been on a journey for the last few weeks. The break I had given our friendship made him realise he could not live without me. I was his sun, his life, his everything (I'm adding my own jara😆).

He told me he had ended his relationship and beggeddddddddd me to be in his life. I am not a wicked person 😁 so I did not let him beg too long since I already knew he was my husband (plus I was already head over heels in love but had to lock up. Please let's not tell him).

He went to see my mum and dad separately and sought their permission. I was impressed! We officially began courting.

Then the rumours began...

Your favourite writer girl,
Love

On Divorce. Episode 7

 

 Episode 7

Thirty Tales

On divorce

Imagine this scenario:

You live in Nigeria. Light is unstable which also makes availability of water unstable since you have to pump your own water with electricity. The sensible thing to do is to have water storage just in case light fails, you have some water to use.

-

The water in one of the pales you stored water is already a month old. You keep making mental notes to change the water but you keep forgetting. It is December, the harmattan is at its peak and the water in your storage container is icy-cold.

-

Your child had a rough night and slept late. Of course you had to watch over her and barely slept. But you have to go to work and you have to take her with you. You manage to get up and bath. To give your child extra minutes of sleep, you decide to get your make up done and even put on your work clothes before waking her. You are now fully dressed for work.

-

You wake your child, take her to the bathroom and start to bath her while taking extra care not to spill water on your dress. At that moment, your spouse wakes up. "Good morning", you manage to mutter. You are very unhappy. "That's how to greet abi, it's like you don't have sense", he replies. You do not want any trouble, so you say nothing. You continue to bath your child. "Is it not you I am talking to?", he queries. You ignore. Your spouse then steps into the bathroom, picks up the one-month old pale of icy-cold water and pours it on you from your head. You immediately push your child backwards so the water does not touch her. You are shivering. Your hair is wet. Your makeup is ruined. Your dress and inner wears are drenched in water. You still do not say or do anything. You get out of the bathroom, dress up your child, change your clothes and drive out with your child without uttering a word.

-

But why? Why do nothing? Because it will be worse. You had been told not to fuel his anger by retaliating with words. Because of the constant migraines you had from been hit on the head. Because you barely escaped with your right eye one of the times. Because you had just taken a body scan. Those ones where something is connected to your hand and it reads on a laptop screen. You had just been shown something on the screen. You did not know what it meant but then you were told one of your brain nerves was weak or damaged (I can't remember the exact term). You were asked your medical history and everything checked out but then you were asked "did you have an accident? Has there been any hit to your head?". Of course you say no but you kow where the issue is coming from. Because you need those migraines to stop badly. You tell no soul of what you have just learnt but you are determined to stay alive so you opt for silence. 

You take it all in but then one day comes. The day you decide to truly live. You finally exhale.

-

You can stop imagining now. This used to be me.

Am I here to argue on the biblical/moral grounds for divorce? Nope. I am just here to say that IF the time comes when you have to choose between being alive and your marriage, I hope you choose your life.

Your favourite writer girl,

Love.

Episode 6

 Episode 6

Thirty Tales

On learning and unlearning

One evening, after a long day of research and studying, my friends and I decided to go to nice restaurant. It was great food and bants. One of our other friends joined us late and sat on the seat next to me. She had just come from the library and had this intimidating-sized law books with her. She lay her bag flat on the floor and placed the books on them.

During our chatter, I accidentally knocked down the books as I moved my left leg. I bent dow and casually tried to put the books back in position amidst our laughter and gist.

"What have you just done?", she said looking straight at me. She was very furious. Her face had turned red. No one was laughing again. I was confused. I did not know what I had done. "What did she do?", one of the girls asked. "She knocked down my books. MY BOOKSSSS and she is not even remorseful", she said. "But I arranged them back. Sorry if that offended you", I said. She went on a rant in her language and then started to cry. At this point, I was embarrassed. People had started to look at us from their tables. "All this drama because I accidentally knocked down your books?", I said. "Can you hear her?", she said even more furiously.

Another friend who is from the same place as her then explained to me that there is a god who governs books and throwing a book on the floor is disrespecting that god (just how a typical Nigerian will react when their Holy Books are thrown on the floor).

At the time, it sounded ridiculous especially as it was a mistake. I got up, excused myself from the table and went back on my own. It did not make sense to me. She would not talk to me for days and then I realized how serious this was to her.
I apologized again and came to the conclusion that while something may be ridiculous to me, it is serious for others. I do not get to determine how a person reacts to a situation. I learnt to be more accommodating of people's beliefs and customs. I do not have to believe it, I just need to respect it.

P.s did you know in this particular culture, you cannot try on a new dress on a Saturday? It is forbidden. If you have to, then you must wash it first.

Don't forget. You do not have to believe in it but you must respect it.

--‐------‐-----------------------------------------------------------

I once had a neighbour who I got very close to. She was my closest friend at the time. We travelled together, did shopping together, cooked together and so many other random things. When my mum couldn't reach me, she would call her. We were that close!

She had a gut feeling that her husband was cheating but she had no proof. We talked about this so much. She just wanted evidence. It weighed her down.

Then one day by chance, I found out he was and even had proof. I kept it to myself for days while listening to her rant on over the issue. One evening, as we sat in her living room, I saw how sad she was. She had just received a huge gift from her husband but she said it made her sad than happy because she knew she was being cheated on.

So I asked her what she would do if she found out he was cheating. She said she would do nothing but that at least she would know. I told her I had something to tell her but she had to promise never to tell anyone. She promised me.

I told her what I had found out. She was calm and happy that at least she knew. I begged her again not to confront her husband but think it through. She agreed and I bade her goodnight.

By 11pm, I heard a loud bang on my door. It was my friend and her husband. He said I should repeat what I told his wife. She had confronted him. Omo! If the ground could open up and swallow me. I was embarrassed and disappointed. I no fit talk anything! I just closed my door and went back in.

I avoided them for as long as I could. Eventually, my friend came by to apologise for breaking her promise. She said she just could not hold it in. I said it was okay but things never returned to the way they were.

Next thing, the husband got bricklayers to build a wall seperating both houses at the backyard. It was awkward as I could hear her breathing on the other side of the wall as she could hear mine but we were no longer speaking. I do not regret many things in life but this is one thing I regret - confirming her suspicions.

The most embarrassing, the husband reported me to another neighbour (that one used to bring in different girls on a regular because his wife lived in another country). I disliked that man. We barely spoke and he had the guts to come meet and ask me why I exposed his friend. He said all men cheated and all wives know but it was not in my place to confirm it to her. I just hissed and walked away from that one.

They eventually worked it out. I was glad. I would not have been able to live with it if I was the cause of the breakdown of that marriage. I thought I was putting my friend out of her misery but it did more harm than good. What your heart knows, it knows. There was no need for a 'confirmation'. It was a tough call to make and I made the wrong one. I lost a beautiful friendship because of this. From that incident, I decided that if I ever found myself in that kind of situation again, I would pray for the HolySpirit to reveal things himself to the person concerned.

Would you tell your friend if you found out that his/her spouse was cheating?

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Episode 5 #ThirtyTales

 Won fe get me ni London (2)

It was the Holy Ghost Congress held by the Redeemed Christian Church of God. I had never sat under Daddy G.O's ministration before so I was excited to attend. It was a vigil but knowing how Nigerians are everywhere, I thought it wise to set out early so I could get a front row seat in the auditorium.

I was on the train by 5pm and as expected, it was crowded with Nigerians also on their way to the venue. It was terribly cold and every time the train made a stop, I contemplated getting down and going back home.

We finally arrived and the doors were locked. They opened it up at 8pm. You needed to see the race we all took to get front seats. I was seated on the third row. Very close to the anointing😁. After all the singing, dancing, prayers, special numbers; I was already exhausted when Daddy G.O began his ministration. I was very sleepy. I decided not to disgrace my father by sleeping like some of my front row colleagues so I went out for some air.

I walked around for a bit and then found a chair and sat. I had barely settled in when this young guy walked up to me. 'Are you from Lagos", he asked. I was startled. "No, why?", I replied. " I'm from Lagos and you look like a Lagos babe", he said. I explained how I was born Kogi but lived all my life in Kaduna. He said he had never been to Kaduna all the years he lived in Nigeria and wanted to know more. I obliged him and before I knew it, about 45 minutes had gone by. I told him I needed to go back in and continue the service. We exchanged BBM pins and I went on my way.

Service ended in the early hours of the morning. I think about 3am. There were no trains and it had began to snow. An acquaintance from my own church who also attended the Congress offered to take me to her house so I could leave from there when the day was bright. We walked to her home. Upon arrival as we stepped into her living room, I froze. I saw different colours of prayer candles and water. She saw my confusion as we attended the same church and we never used those items. She explained that it belonged to her mum who was inside sleeping.

She said I could sleep on the couch and she went in. I was scared. I dozed for a bit and I had a dream that I was being sacrificed and surrounded by red candles (disclaimer- I do not associate use of candles to sacrifices). I woke up and decided to sit till daybreak. I was sleep deprivied, tired and hungry. By 6am on the dot, I left.

I got back at about 9am, sent a text to my parents in Nigeria that I was back home safe and I was switching off my phone in order to sleep. I slept the whole day. I did not know more drama was coming my way.

By 7pm, I received a BBM message from the guy I met at the Congress. He said he was on his way to Harrow to see me. See me? For what? There was snow, it was extremely cold. It made no sense to visit anyone at that kind of time. I sent him the address and I called on my friend who stayed next door to come stay with me.

Few minutes later, he was outside the door. I asked if he was just passing by. He said he left Surrey to come see me. 😂 I did not understand o but I sha offered him tea for the cold. My friend stayed put. By 9pm, our conversation went thus:
Me: It's late o, come and be going
Him: I thought I was sleeping over
Me: How? As what?
Him: *Visibly angry* Do you know after the vigil, I went back to Surrey. I barely rested and I spent almost 2 hours travelling back to see you.
Me: I did not invite you. How is this my business?
*My friend leaves at this point*
Him: Please now, let me just stay
Me: *Now angry* Walks towards the door and opens it. Please leave.
Him: *approaches the door* Ok, just give me small kiss so my coming will not be in vain
Me: It's like you're mad. Ogbeni get out!
He stormed off angrily.

I'm still trying to understand what happened that day.

Kaduna- 1
Lagos- 0

Lagos boys, is that how you people used to do?

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Won fe get me ni London (1)

Thirty Tales
#Episode 4

Won fe get me ni London (1)

Finding a church to attend in London was a herculean task. They were either too far, oyinboish or unserious. I found a Nigerian church online and service time was said to be 8am. I was at the church door at 8:05am. It was a small church, I think I counted about 15 people. I met them sitting in groups and chatting AT PAST 8. When they noticed me; I was obviously new, a woman got up and said "it's time for Sunday school o". I managed to stay for about 20 minutes then I snuck out and went back home to watch an online service.

I finally found a predominantly Nigerian church that I loved eventhough it was 2 hours away from me. On my first day, I got up when the announcement for new comers was made. As usual, we were asked to wait behind and our details were taken.

On my way out of the church premises; this fine looking man dressed in a three piece suit with this sharp cut beard approached me. "Hi, I noticed you're new. My name is ***", he said to me. In my mind I was singing "I never knew you could honour me this way daddyyyy". I was already thinking of how beautiful our kids will be.

He offered to drop me off but when I told him where I was going; he said he would drop me at the train station. When we got to the car park ladies and gentlemen!!! This guy walked straight to the only range rover that was parked there. It was customized in his name. Baba God is this how you use to do your things!!!

We exchanged BBM pins and we agreed to meet during the week for dinner. He sent messages later to check on me and ensure I got home safe. That Sunday evening I was lying down imagining my fairy tale life when my phone rang. "Hello my name is Bro ****** from church", the caller said. We exchanged pleasantries. He was part of the follow-up team who had spoken to all the new comers in church. He had picked my number from the form I had filled earlier in the day.

"We saw you leave church with a certain young man today. I just wanted to inform you that he is a scammer and he dupes people. Please be careful". I thanked him and dropped the call. I sharply blocked uncle fine boy on bbm and from calling me. The next time I saw him in church, I walked past him like we had never met. The shock on his face could not be hidden. Eleda mi, ese o.

Few weeks later, uncle follow-up from church sent me a mesage asking to take me out. Come o uncle follow-up, did you deliberately send prince charming out of my life so you could get in or was he really a scammer? This is an answer I will never know because I blocked him too😂

I keep feeling in my heart though that uncle follow-up formed this story because he felt he would not stand a chance with uncle fine boy.

Bobo yen get me sha. But we move! I decided to face the book they sent me to go and read.

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

 

Corper Wee Tales

 Thirty Tales

Episode 3

Corper Wee Tales

Omo! I had the strictest boss ever in my PPA. Everyone was scared of her. She was mean and used really demeaning words on people. My grandma died and we were to travel for the burial. The burial was for Friday but my parents were to leave the Monday before that and they were to pick me along. The difficult part was asking for permission. Her PA prepped me on how to go about it. I was to take an invitation card addressed to her and then chip in my request. I prayed and was even fasting before I went in. I gave he and sought permission to be absent for the week. She looked at me and said "Even if it is your mother that died, I will not give you one week". Huh! I wanted to say "my mother will not die in Jesus name" but I changed my mind and said it in my heart. She eventually gave me Thursday and Friday. My daddy had to send someone back to get me. Every time I think of her, I never want to be that kind of boss.

-----‐---------------------------------------------------------------

When everybody was using office internet to apply for jobs and/or trying to get themselves retained, I was applying to schools in the UK. It was what I wanted and I did not know how I was going to go about it but I just gave it a shot. All the schools I wanted required me to write long articles. It took so much of my time. Then I found University of Westminster and the course "Global media". I immediately fell in love with it. I read reviews and the school ranked top as the best university in media in the UK. I waited about a month ro hear back from them and I was accepted. 

It was at this point I told my parents all that I had been doing in the background and the rest they say history.

If you want something, go for it. 

Your favourite writer girl,

Love

Thirty Tales(2) Sexual Predators 2

 

Thirty Tales

On sexual predators (2)

I don't really think I was too much of a bookworm. I think people are just exaggerating 😂. I kid. Me sef I know say I like book.

Anyway, when I found out the amount of course work we had to cover in uni; I decided I needed to read smarter and not longer. Getting an A was simple logic. I took my CAs very seriously. So if for instance I score a 30 out of 40 in my CA, It means I only need 40 marks in exam to get an A (A begins from 70 marks).

We were required to answer only 4 questions. If a question carries 20 marks then it means I only need to answer 2 questions correctly. In addition to my 30 marks in CA, I already have an A. It was so simple.

Most times, I would select topics I knew were sure to come out, about 4-5 of them and leave the rest. This method worked almost all the time (there were difficult courses like Syntax, Phonology etc. that this could not work for). I mostly had As and then some Bs. My life was great. I had plotted my way to a first class from 100 level.

One Monday evening, I was lying on my bed when I received a text. It read "Meet me at Atlas hotel by 10am on Wednesday. Dr. O*****". I must have read it like 10 times. Me? Hotel? For what? I deleted the text. On Wednesday, I switched off my phone throughout the day. I avoided Dr. O***** (who was taking us two courses that semester) throughout that week. By the next Monday, I got the same text. I switched off my phone again on Wednesday.

By the next class, I sat behind so we would not even make eye contact. Two people behind me were talking. Next thing I heard "You, you are busy making noise in my class abi, get out". I turned to look at the culprits and faced my front again. "Is it not you I'm talking to?". It was now obvious he was referring to me. Everyone around me was like "Ah sir, she was not talking o". He shouted "get out of my class". That's how I gathered my things. A whole me! The golden child being sent out of a class. Na wa o. E pain am sha as I ghost am.

I ran into him once at the school entrance, I greeted him and he ignored me. Exams now came. I had passed this man's CAs. Instead of selecting topics, I read all because I knew he was out for me. What's the worst that he could do? I knew he could not fail me. It wouldn't make sense for a straight A student to suddenly come up with an F. But this man was smart. Results came out and he gave me 2 Cs in both courses that he took us. Getting 2 Cs in my 300 level second semester shattered my dreams of a first class. It was not something that could be reported. It did not add up but there was nothing I could do. The next time I saw him, he had this smirk on his face that said "Do me, I do you".

Thank God for God sha that does not need a first class to bless you. Grateful for how things turned out because it turns out, you do not need to have a first class to live a first class life.

Your favourite writer girl,

Love

Thirty Tales (1)

 

THIRTY TALES- I turn 30 in 8 days. I hope to post stories from the decade 21-30 every day until the 2nd of February.

On sexual predators

I got into the university at the age of 16. I was a child. Both my parents went with me to settle me in just like in the days of boarding school. This time however, things were different. There was this huge void. It felt like I had been left alone to face the world. I cried after they left. On most days, before lectures resumed; I would go to the common room and sit there for hours lost in my own thoughts. I just wanted my mummy.

Registration began and we had to get our courses for the semester signed on the course form by each lecturer. One of such courses was a compulsory borrowed course from the English department (I studied Linguistics in my first degree). I joined the queue outside the lecturer's office. Everyone went in and came out swiftly and then it was my turn. I got in, closed the door behind me and greeted him waiting for him to gesture that I approach his table.

He looked up at me, put his head back down and continued what he was doing. I was confused. So I managed to mutter "Please sir, I would like to sign my course form". "Sit", he said. I wondered if that was the process everyone else went through. I sat but I was very uneasy, I just wanted to get it over with.

He got up, came around the table and sat by the chair next to me. "What's your name?", he asked. "Love", I said. "Let me have the course form", he said. I handed it over to him. "06224004", he said calling out my student identification number as he handed it back to me without signing. "I like you. Be mine and enjoy your life in this school till you graduate. You will never have to read to pass", he said as he placed his hand on my left thigh. I jumped up clutching my course form to my chest. I was furious. My eyes must have turned red from anger. I said nothing. I turned around and headed for the door. Just as I placed my hand on the knob, he said "I know your registration number, I will find you". I did not look back as I opened the door and walked away. I was trembling.

I ran back to my room, buried my head in my pillow and cried. I contemplated calling my mother but I changed my mind. She would panic and there really wasn't anything she could do. I was now a big girl. Big girl, big problems.

I avoided the road that led to his office for the longest time possible and till almost end of the semester, my course form was still not signed. Luckily for me, the course rep was asked to gather all unsigned course forms as there were many people who resumed late and it was not practical for them to go individually to every lecturer. I snuck my course form in and it was signed along with the rest. The idiot must have missed my name and number. It was easy to avoid him in the lecture halls (we barely had lectures anyway. We read on our own for most courses). It was a very large class consisting of hundreds of students. At the end of that semester, I had straight As (or almost..) in all courses including his. He must have forgotten about me or so I thought.

We never saw again until I was in 400 level. We had been taken to a Government secondary school to write our exams. As I walked into one if the classes, there he was. He smiled wryly. He was an invigilator. I quickly did an about turn. I went to stay under a tree until it was time for the paper. I went to another class and stayed at a corner. The idiot was searching for me. I could see him from where I sat moving from class to class. He would pop his head in, scan the class and move. He finally got to mine. He popped his in, saw me and approached my table. I did not look up. I continued writing. He stood over my head and would not move so I finally looked up. He took my answer script, turned to the first page and read out my registration number; "06224004". He dropped it and said "I told you I will find you" and then he walked away.

Nothing came of his threats as I passed that particular course he invigilated with an A. We never saw again.

Sometimes I think about it and I wish i could get the police to find him and arrest him. I wish I wasn't so scared. I wish I sought legal action. I wish I knew what I know now. How do you sexually harass and threaten a child? I was 16!!!

BUT I am thankful to God who always keeps His promise to protect us.

"...the Lord always does what he has promised...He will keep you safe when Satan attacks you."
2 Thessalonians 3:3 EASY translation

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.