Episode 6

 Episode 6

Thirty Tales

On learning and unlearning

One evening, after a long day of research and studying, my friends and I decided to go to nice restaurant. It was great food and bants. One of our other friends joined us late and sat on the seat next to me. She had just come from the library and had this intimidating-sized law books with her. She lay her bag flat on the floor and placed the books on them.

During our chatter, I accidentally knocked down the books as I moved my left leg. I bent dow and casually tried to put the books back in position amidst our laughter and gist.

"What have you just done?", she said looking straight at me. She was very furious. Her face had turned red. No one was laughing again. I was confused. I did not know what I had done. "What did she do?", one of the girls asked. "She knocked down my books. MY BOOKSSSS and she is not even remorseful", she said. "But I arranged them back. Sorry if that offended you", I said. She went on a rant in her language and then started to cry. At this point, I was embarrassed. People had started to look at us from their tables. "All this drama because I accidentally knocked down your books?", I said. "Can you hear her?", she said even more furiously.

Another friend who is from the same place as her then explained to me that there is a god who governs books and throwing a book on the floor is disrespecting that god (just how a typical Nigerian will react when their Holy Books are thrown on the floor).

At the time, it sounded ridiculous especially as it was a mistake. I got up, excused myself from the table and went back on my own. It did not make sense to me. She would not talk to me for days and then I realized how serious this was to her.
I apologized again and came to the conclusion that while something may be ridiculous to me, it is serious for others. I do not get to determine how a person reacts to a situation. I learnt to be more accommodating of people's beliefs and customs. I do not have to believe it, I just need to respect it.

P.s did you know in this particular culture, you cannot try on a new dress on a Saturday? It is forbidden. If you have to, then you must wash it first.

Don't forget. You do not have to believe in it but you must respect it.

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I once had a neighbour who I got very close to. She was my closest friend at the time. We travelled together, did shopping together, cooked together and so many other random things. When my mum couldn't reach me, she would call her. We were that close!

She had a gut feeling that her husband was cheating but she had no proof. We talked about this so much. She just wanted evidence. It weighed her down.

Then one day by chance, I found out he was and even had proof. I kept it to myself for days while listening to her rant on over the issue. One evening, as we sat in her living room, I saw how sad she was. She had just received a huge gift from her husband but she said it made her sad than happy because she knew she was being cheated on.

So I asked her what she would do if she found out he was cheating. She said she would do nothing but that at least she would know. I told her I had something to tell her but she had to promise never to tell anyone. She promised me.

I told her what I had found out. She was calm and happy that at least she knew. I begged her again not to confront her husband but think it through. She agreed and I bade her goodnight.

By 11pm, I heard a loud bang on my door. It was my friend and her husband. He said I should repeat what I told his wife. She had confronted him. Omo! If the ground could open up and swallow me. I was embarrassed and disappointed. I no fit talk anything! I just closed my door and went back in.

I avoided them for as long as I could. Eventually, my friend came by to apologise for breaking her promise. She said she just could not hold it in. I said it was okay but things never returned to the way they were.

Next thing, the husband got bricklayers to build a wall seperating both houses at the backyard. It was awkward as I could hear her breathing on the other side of the wall as she could hear mine but we were no longer speaking. I do not regret many things in life but this is one thing I regret - confirming her suspicions.

The most embarrassing, the husband reported me to another neighbour (that one used to bring in different girls on a regular because his wife lived in another country). I disliked that man. We barely spoke and he had the guts to come meet and ask me why I exposed his friend. He said all men cheated and all wives know but it was not in my place to confirm it to her. I just hissed and walked away from that one.

They eventually worked it out. I was glad. I would not have been able to live with it if I was the cause of the breakdown of that marriage. I thought I was putting my friend out of her misery but it did more harm than good. What your heart knows, it knows. There was no need for a 'confirmation'. It was a tough call to make and I made the wrong one. I lost a beautiful friendship because of this. From that incident, I decided that if I ever found myself in that kind of situation again, I would pray for the HolySpirit to reveal things himself to the person concerned.

Would you tell your friend if you found out that his/her spouse was cheating?

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.