God, please make me white

I have a problem. I’m what you may refer to as a ‘Grammar police’. I just can’t look away when someone gbagauns makes a grammatical error. This has put me in a lot of trouble. I just feel like it’s my civic responsibility to correct such a person. So anyway, I was scrolling through updates on my BBM when I saw something that someone had written wrongly. I really reaaaalllllly wanted to mind my business but the nudge came again and I couldn’t ignore. So I messaged the person with my corrections. The reply I got has scarred me for life and I doubt I’ll be making any corrections in the future. Apparently, the person had been listening to a message and that’s how the preacher supposedly constructed it. Quoting him verbatim, he said, ‘Toor that’s what the preacher just said. He is white’. HUH (Insert surprised face).

I don’t even know how to describe the look on my face when I read that. I was in a state of shock, amusement and a little confusion. I was screaming ‘whaaatttttttttt’ in my head. So something that is conspicuously wrong is okay because it was a white person that said it. I have to be white.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of the proponents for ‘black is better than white’ or who feels like I have to prove that I am better than white people. That in itself is already a defeat. But c’mon, Nigerians really need to become more confident and be able to compete intellectually at a global level without feeling small. Well, that’s just my own 2 cents.

On a lighter note, here are a few prayer points:

God please make me god looking so I don’t have to work for anything in my life.

God please give me American/British or even Spanish accent so I can get a job as an OAP.

God please make me slim and tall so I can get free rides, the sun in this part of the world really does not smile.

God please provide me with an iPhone, I can even manage iPhone 4 just so people don’t think I’m suffering. You know the kind of phone one uses determines the respect you get from the society.

Finally, please give me a hot foine boyfriend so I can post pictures on Instagram because I haven’t started living till I have a man especially one I can show off.

Thank you God.

Ebunlola.

Dew, rain and sunshine….

There was a country.....

Daddy: How much is the trolley service

Attendant: N400

Daddy: What if I want to push it myself?

Attendant: Same price

*Daddy about to pull out money*

 Bystander: That’s a lie. If you are pushing it yourself, it is N150

*Attendant looks down in shame*

Now allow me to explain this situation to you. This happened at the Nnamdi Azikwe International airport. My dad had just arrived from London and was trying to get his luggage. The trolleys at the airport are not free (only in Nigeria), however you can pay for just the trolley or for the trolley and an attendant that will push it. The prices for these services are different. My dad was unaware of this and was about to be swindled by an attendant when one of the passengers came to his rescue.

The issue of corruption in Nigeria is not a new phenomenon. If that attendant had succeeded as he would have with others, he would have made N250 extra. It is so sad that people are no longer contented in making an honest living, they want it ‘sharp sharp’. Did I just say ‘no longer’? Forgive me. I was born into the system like this and so when you are not like them, you are the strange one. I have heard stories from my parents of the Nigeria of those days. My daddy said they used to queue to get into buses and public servants used to be accountable. He said ‘we just did the right thing. Nobody really had to force us, we just did it’. Today, everything is just broken. You go to the public offices and you see the women selling asoebi and the men probably absent as they may have gone to attend to their private businesses. I was at the court the other day and I saw people hawking right in the offices. Yeah, you heard me right. HAWKING!!! As in trays properly balanced on their heads. Are you kidding me? Guess what they were selling? Oranges, water melon, biscuits, chewing gums, etc. and the office occupants were actually bargaining and buying. I almost wept.

Living in another part of the world where everything works opened my eyes to the catastrophe in Nigeria. Everything is so chaotic. The ones who are not ‘blessed’ enough to steal money make life difficult for others. How do you explain that you go to the customer service unit in an office and you find the person there taking personal calls and ignoring you or probably filing her nails and acting as though you are a bother when they are there to serve you? It’s crazy. The top officers who are privileged to steal will go to church and testify that God has made a way and even donate to church. Ridiculous, totally ridiculous.

I would never cheat in an exam because my mother would say anyone who feels comfortable with cheating will not see anything wrong with stealing and lying. I got laughed at a lot, but for me that was the way of life. Now I can’t imagine myself changing figures in an office or cheating my way through. It cannot happen. I don’t know how Nigeria is going to get better or when but this I know,  I will be different.  

P.S. I’m not voting until a credible leader emerges.