Why do bad things happen to good people?

Nothing in life prepared me for a divorce at 26. My life was moving great;

ü  Born again as a teenager

ü  First degree at 20

ü  Second degree at 23

ü  Married at 23

ü  Career woman at 23

ü  First child at 24

ü  Business owner at 25

I am being confronted with the harsh reality of single motherhood at such a tender age and I had to ask, ‘why?’ Why do bad things happen to good people? Obviously, I am highly flawed but by standard profane judgments, you would consider me ‘good’. As I think of myself, I consider the over 1,000 lives lost in the Sierra Leone mudslide, the over 100,000 killed and 2,000,000 people displaced by Boko Haram in Nigeria, the innocent boy who was killed by a stray bullet in Imo state a few days ago, the woman who chose to remain a virgin till marriage and who is being confronted with barrenness many years on, the 6 out 0f 10 children who suffer sexual abuse in Nigeria, the widow who is being thrown out on the streets, the orphan who does not know where the next meal is coming from, the student who is being bullied by a lecturer, the innocent person who is being indicted for a crime he knows nothing about and many others who are going through excruciating suffering around the world. We all ask ‘WHY?’

My honest answer is – I don’t know. I do not know God’s yardstick. He chooses to bless whoever He wishes BUT we know He is always faithful. However, there are a few things we can learn from tribulations;

*Being a Christian does not guarantee you a perfect life. Christianity is not always rosy. People who share only the material benefits of Christianity are not being truthful. John 16:33 says, ‘You WILL have suffering in this world’. It is a certainty so yes, bad things will happen to good people. Look at our big brother, Jesus. He saw it all. Are you broken, He was broken too. Are you despised or rejected? He was too. Are you sad? He was filled with many sorrows. Did a close friend betray you? He was betrayed too.

*Though suffering is not good, it can be used to accomplish good. You can either let your pain make you bitter or better. You can give in to rage and let it destroy you or you can use your despair to help others. Bishop Jakes preached a message this past week, ‘My pain is my bread’ That pain may just be tied to your purpose. Don’t let your pain go to waste.

*We are assured that whatever confronts us will not overcome us. I love the how the Joyce Meyer AMP translation puts it; ‘in the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but….be confident, certain, undaunted…I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you’ john 16:33. God is with you in your lowest points. You may not understand His ways but learn to trust His ways. Soon everything becomes clear. Tribulation teaches trust.

*Our suffering is nothing compared to the blessings He has given and is yet to give to us. Count your blessings; name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

*There will be a time when there will be no more crying, no more tears, no more pain and suffering when we will be reunited with God in perfect harmony forever. Nothing else will matter.

When bad things happen, as it will, make the choice to run to Him. Go through it, learn the lesson and move on.

P.s, when you

sing ‘I want to be more like Jesus’ Get ready, because His life was not easy AT ALL. He had nails pierced through His body. Can you handle that?

Peace, love and sunshine,

Love.

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The day my daughter called another child a goat

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. My daughter and I were jamming to our favourite songs in the car as I drove to church. I spotted a herd of goats running very fast by the side of the road. It was a beautiful sight. I called her attention to it and she was also fascinated and then we both forgot about it.

Our church has a very beautiful scenery, you can't help but take pictures of yourself, so as is our custom, I asked her to pose while I clicked away on my phone. Suddenly her attention drifted away. She was looking at this girl who was running towards us very fast. And then she said 'Mummy see this girl running like a goat. She is a goat' I almost passed out from embarrassment. Some people overheard and gave us the judgmental look. How do I begin to explain that she's only transferring knowledge from one situation (few minutes earlier when we saw a herd of goats running)to another situation(innocent girl running on her own). In this case, we had a negative transfer of knowledge where previous knowledge affected the performance in a new event. Simply put, she saw a goat running fast and so anybody that runs fast is a goat to her. Her mind had drawn a relationship between goat and running. Jean Piaget's theory of cognitive development actually groups 2-7 year olds in a stage called 'pre-operational'. At this stage, they have a problem with classification. They may refer to all fruits as mango because they know mango is a fruit, so every fruit is a mango.

How do I even begin to explain this mumbo jumbo to these people staring at us. I tried to scold Nifemi even though I UNDERSTOOD she did not mean to insult the child. She got upset and started rolling on the floor and crying and kept saying 'but she was running like a goat.' I was further embarrassed and decided to let it go and let them think what they wanted.

ONE situation viewed differently. In my journey in life, I have learnt that things are not always how they seem. Nothing means anything except the meaning you give to it. How do YOU choose to see life?

Some people saw my child as disrespectful but I saw someone merely conforming to the stages of cognitive development. Do not be boxed in the boundary conditions of your thinking (Albert Einsten). Be open to change. Be willing to listen to the other side of the story. Be open to believe that there can be another ending. Believe that there is a better side. There are always two or more ways to look at a situation. Do not self sabotage. Yes, you do not look like it now and may perhaps already be written off by people. Flip the coin and see how God is using your ruins for a testimony. People may see failure but choose to see feedback.

Very importantly, you have no control on how people choose to view your situation but you have control over what you allow into your space. Irrespective of the situation, always choose positive vibes only and know that ALL things are working out for your good. Do not allow someone else's warped mentality control you. There are two options; life and death. I choose to see life where others see death. The power to choose lies with me.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue...” – Proverbs 18:21

Love and light always,

Love.

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Be founded first in God

'♪Jimina, are you feeling me, Jimina, you are the dining hall rocket♫' And with a drumming pattern that sounded like DIM DIMKA DIM DIMKA the whole class would burst into the song using desks or stainless steel plates and spoons for rhythm.

Going to Gray's International College of Science, Management and Information Technology  (GICSMIT) remains one of the greatest honours of my life. The day prospective students were given a tour of the school, I wondered where my parents would find the money. Somehow they did and I immediately felt out of place the moment I resumed. All the other new kids looked way cooler. My home clothes were bleh. So I was almost sleeping at the tailor's shop in school so as to get my uniform on time so that at least I would look like everyone else. 

Gray College was really beautiful. I remember the several Ostriches and Peacocks that strolled the compound. They were so beautiful. Few weeks as a student in Gray, my classmates started to call me 'Jimina'. It means an Ostrich in Hausa. They said I had a small head and big body like an ostrich. I did not like like but there was nothing i could do about it.

Going to that kind of School meant that I only got my needs and not want. Being the foodie that I am, the 2 sets of provisions my parents graciously provided per month was not always enough so I never missed going to the school dining 3 times a day. Now, this was not something for cool kids. Cool kids did not go to the school dining, you would  always find them at the school shop. I loved going to the dining so much that I started taking my plate and spoon to class so I would just go for my meal straight  from class rather than go back to the hostel. Unfortunately  during a class period, my plate fell from my bag and made a very loud noise and everyone started laughing and they nicknamed me 'The Dining Hall Rocket'. And so throughout my junior secondary school, I became known as 'Jimina, the dining hall rocket'.

Inferiority complex set in. I wished I was like the children of the Elites. They weren't bothered by seniors. Their life was easy. They had strong cliques. I remember after returning from one holiday, and one of the privileged ones had gone to the UK for summer and returned with matching wristwatches for her clique. They were 6 of them. They looked so good. I was so jealous. I desperately wanted to belong. Valentine day was horrible. People like me would sit and watch gifts being delivered to them by their crush or friends. Sometimes they sent people like me to deliver the gifts. Why didn't ANYBODY even like me? I had my beloved friend Sharon of blessed memory. She would say we should not worry about Stuff like that but it bothered me. Sharon would wake me up at night to pray but I would be embarrassed. I didn't want the cool kids to see us.

Then one day, Aisha Abdullahi (of blessed memory) started talking to me. She was a cool kid and so beautiful. I think I became obsessed with her. Finally, association with her would fix my social status. I was all up in her space. But no,her friends didn't treat me like her. I was angry. Like Rachel in Genesis  30 vs 1 who told Jacob 'Give me sons I die'. I was making a silent  plea to Aisha 'Raise my social status or I die😁' When it wasn't happening, I tried to fix it too like Rachel. Rachel got her maid to have sons for her husband. She thought it would bring her satisfaction but she still felt empty(1-24). I opted to start washing Aisha's clothes🙈It would make us closer, I thought. It did make us closer but it did not change how people saw me. And one day, I just stopped.

I just did not care anymore. Frolicking with the cool ones did not satisfy me. I decided to do the things I loved. I read novels, wrote songs and joined the choir and started going to fellowship  more . Very uncool things but I was happy. The teasing, nicknames and inferiority complex stopped. To my surprise, people wanted to be friends with me. Aisha remained one of my best friends and had a new respect for me. And then, someone had a crush on me😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 (trust me these things matter to teenagers) and he gifted me the most beautiful pink silicon band that  had my name  inscribed on it. I would hear someone give me a shoutout on the radio (there was a school radio station) and I knew finally, I cool too. This came by just being me. I did not stop going to the dining. Infact being a senior  meant I could take my food to the hostel and the cool ones will beg you for 'one spoon' so all na packaging.God had taken away my humiliation like Rachel who finally decided to trust God and got her own child too. The things we so desperately crave rests in us being true to ourselves. No one can fix you. No one can give you happiness. No one can give you joy. If they give it, then it means they can take it away. Be founded first in God and others will find you. ❤    

Love and light,

Love.

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#IseeGodInEverything

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