When you are the PEOPLE

         When you are the "people"

"Why didn't she leave?" Was it because of what 'people' would say?

Have you stopped to consider if you are the 'people'. If perhaps you may have contributed to the mental breakdown, shame, indecision and probably even death of an individual by your words; deliberate or not.

I've had my share of church hurt. The people whom you call your brothers and sisters putting you down without knowing the full story. Its the arrogance of righteousness that irks me the most. The feeling of "Can-never-be-me".

I suffered domestic abuse. I suffered the worst form of mental abuse. I had 2 suicide attempts and was severely depressed. So I left.

The 'people', my fellow brethren; the ones who were to have my back said:

"You hear say she don comot for husband house"

"I no say that marriage no fit work. Even Dangote pikin no get pride like her"

"She for kuku stay London marry oyinbo. She no go fit live with African man"

"You hear say her mama born for another man before she marry her papa? Na their pattern for their family"

"They say dem drive her comot o say she no fit born another pikin again"

Then there were the ones who had the audacity to say it to my face:

"Your parents may be rich but you must submit to the man. Stop all this pride"

"You are a reprobate"

"You better go and beg. No one will marry you especially now that you even have a daughter"

It didn't matter to the 'people' that I still deal with migraine because of the severe hit to my head or that my left eye is still functioning by the grace of God. It didn't matter to them that I stood in the middle of a busy road and prayed to be knocked down by a car.

When you listen and allow such conversations happen in your presence, you are the 'people'

When you contribute to such conversations with or without the correct facts, you are the 'people'.

When you gossip about people, you are the 'people'

When you make negative assumptions about people based on what someone has told you, you are the 'people'

When you troll people online, you are the 'people'

Yes, what you say matters! I could face 'the people' with my full chest because I had lost everything anyway but some others cannot and so they die in silence to avoid what 'the people's would say.

If we truly love ourselves as Christ loves the church. If we truly see ourselves as brothers and sisters and as a family; it would be easier to run back home.

Pray for your sister. Pray for your brother. Do not be interested in the gist. Just pray for them and if you can, be there for them.

Are you the 'people'?
(This is a rhetorical question that calls for deep reflection).

Matt. 25: 31-40

P.s to every one going through domestic abuse, know that God will pick you over your marriage in a heartbeat. Know that you are first someone before all the titles  know that you have a predestined purpose before you became a wife. Know that he is a restorer, look at me. Leave!

You have all my love,

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

HOW I MET MY HUSBAND (FINAL EPISODE)

 Meanwhile, Ehigocho was always on my matter. Before the breakup, he felt I was always on the phone with him.

Hian! Uncle face your own relationship na, let me face my own. He began complaining that I was not having his time😂 As what na!

Anyway, as expected, Ehi was the first to know about the breakup and the revelations I had. My ex and I had blocked ourselves everywhere. Not out of anger but for peace of mind. I believe same for him. But there was one issue. My ex was really instrumental in the completion of #31mornings (My book). Many late nights even with the distance, encouraging me and pushing me till I finally published. I felt it was only right, he gets a copy of the book.

So I begged Ehi to help me contact him and find out how a copy could be sent to him. Ehi called, he declined but wished me all the best in the future. Ouch! I prayed for God to let him see why I had to walk away and heal both of us. A few months later, I saw that I had been tagged by him on Instagram on a post that read something along the lines of "Tag someone who is no longer in your life but was sunshine during their time in your life". For me, it meant all had been forgiven. That chapter officially closed.

I was back to being single, enjoying and living life. I now had a dream. I saw Ehi and I getting married and dancing. From where to where? How? I brushed it off.
"What's going on between you and Ehi?", my mum asked one day. I told her nothing. Then she said she had a dream and saw us getting married. There were more dreams by other people.

It was at this point I actually began to see him. Like really see him. Then I had a second dream confirming the first. So I knew Ehi was my husband but Ehi was in another relationship. I told God to tell him by himself and leave me out of it.

I withdrew from him. I wasn't calling and texting as I used to. I deliberately began to distance myself because your girl was already catching feelings for someone who was with someone else. It didn't feel right.

He was worried and asked why I was changing. I told him I felt like a distraction as it concerned his relationship. I told him not to call me more than once a day. He really missed me🤣🤣 We drifted apart but it was a time of pruning for both of us.

One Sunday evening, Ehi called me to say he was at the door. I went outside and saw he was covered in dust. He said he had gone on a long walk to clear his head. I tried to make banter but he had his serious face on.

He explained that he had been in love with me for several months (even all the while I began that previous relationship)and had been suppressing it because he did not even know how to begin. He also did not know how to break up from someone who was good and kind to him but was not his heart's choice nor God's choice.

He had to painfully walk away and was ready to do everything to get me to love him. Me that I had been loving him and was only waiting for him to catch up. Baba God, I see your doings!

We hugged it out, there was no need to form Let- me- pray- about- it. I said "Bros, make we begin, I don dey wait you". When we both shared different revelations we had, we were amazed at how God is so intentional. He was upgraded from 'Ehi' to 'Babe' on my phone. 😁

The next day, he was sitting across my father asking permission to court and marry me. A man of integrity, I stan 👏

This week, we celebrate the best 3 years of marriage with my purpose partner, best friend, baby daddy, Chief Encouragement Officer and all round guy.

It's how we play like kids and make our kids; the actual kids stare at us in bewilderment. It's the going everywhere together: Buy one, get one free.

It's the good-night pecks every night's and the good-morning warm squishy hugs every morning.

It's the sharing of responsibilities around the house and our resilience to get in kids in bed by 7pm so we can breathe 🤣

It's the hiding to eat things so our children will not beg us 🤣

It's his fine face for me. Charismatic walk and the voice of an angel.

It's how he indulges my love for Tiktok and learns every dance routine with me.

It's how he loves me.

Gosh, I love Ehigocho so much. Marriage is sweet o. Just marry your own.

Everyday, I bless God for my biggest gift. ❤
Happy Anniversary my love.

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

HOW I MET MY HUSBAND 3

 This guy was a breath of fresh air. Bear in mind that I had begun to get suitors at this point. Including one who embarked on an 8 hour journey after I had said 'No' over the phone. Talmabout, "God said you are my wife". Miss me with that bruh! Na wetin first put me for trouble.

Anyhoo, this person was easy to talk with. Had this captivating and feathery voice. Too sweet. I had to ask if he did voiceovers or worked in a radio station. That's when he told me he was a thespian. Ah! Mo ti lazzdent! My father would never permit! (P.s I see him on my screen EVERYDAY because he is on a major soap opera on AfricaMagic showcase. When my husband and I began dating, it was uncomfortable watching him on screen together because I would always catch hubs using side eye to check for my expressions🤣 but now we analyse his TV character like there was no history).

It's funny how I didn't know him on the screen till we met then I began to see him everywhere. We began a relationship and he was the absolute best. We got my mum on our side and we're still plotting how to convince daddy to give his blessings when I had a dream. I saw us get married and go our separate ways. Omo! I cried o, begged God. Shared the dream with him, we prayed and cancelled it. A few weeks later, I had the dream again. Very clear.

Imagine breaking up with someone who has only being good to you. The experience taught me that a person may be good but not good for you. I broke up with him via WhatsApp 💔

It was horrible. I was sick. "God had better have a better plan for me for making me walk away from this", I said to myself. I chose to trust God blindly.

Meanwhile, Ehigocho... TO BE CONTINUED 

P.s...we officially clocked 3 years in marriage on the 24th of January (registry marriage), while our traditional and church weddings held on the 1st and 2nd of February...so this entire week is my anniversary. If y'all show me enough love, I will drip the conclusion of this series tonight.

Your favourite writer girl,

Love.

How I met my husband (2)

 One beautiful morning, Ehi walked into @redemptionacademyschools We were expanding and had put out a notice of vacancy.

My mum and I conducted the interviews that day. The interview held in my mum's office downstairs which is just directly opposite the gate. In that office, you get a good view of everyone as they enter and exit the building.

This is why I knew the exact moment he stepped in. He looked so good. He wore a blue checkered blazer, white shirt and black trouser. All I could think of was "Ahn ahn, what happen? You dress pass interviewer 😂".This was after the initial shock of seeing him yet again.

"Isn't that...?", I began to say to my mum but quickly dropped it. I had wanted to ask if she knew him from church. I didn't want to go over the details of how I was blessed by his ministration.

The interviews began. There were so many candidates. Some scaled to the next stage, others did not. Finally, it got to his turn. We spent the longest time with him. He had a wealth of experience. And then from nowhere my mum asks "So are you married?" (She asks this to gauge the stability of a prospective employee that has impressed her).

My ears immediately opened up. I was interested in knowing. "No, but I am in a relationship", he said. Ah tor...

His major is in Psychology and at the time, the school was believing God to send the right person for the Guidance and Counselling unit. Although that position was not advertised and he did not apply for it, my mum and I felt that we had found the one. He was slated for the next stage of the interview.

He was offered the job and he took it. I have to admit at this point that I liked him. Not as per relationship but as a person.

We barely ran into each other the first couple of months at work. In church however, we would have the common courtesy greeting that lasted a few seconds (apparently he thought I was married because I was always with my daughter. I had been separated a while and had even filed for a divorce at this time). We were both in the Choir and School WhatsApp groups so we both had access to each other's phone numbers.

I had to travel to Abuja for a couple of days to process a visa. By the second day of being away, I got a text message. "Hi. I noticed you've not been in school for two days now. I hope all is well? Ehi"

For some reason, that text made me smile. It felt nice that my absence was noticed. I replied him letting him know why I was away. I officially saved his number.

The next morning, I received another text from him. He was wishing me a hassle free time at the embassy. I did not reply. I did not know if to reply. I wasn't sure if it was wise to build a friendship with this person.

By evening of the same day, I got back to Kaduna. The unreplied text was hanging over my head all day so I finally replied. I let him know everything went well and I was back to town.

From then on, we exchanged more frequent pleasantries. One Friday, my mum and I came to work in the same car. I still had a ton of work to do by the time she was ready to leave. So I asked her to take the car and opted to walk home.

I was in my office by 4-ish when he was leaving. He was surprised to see me there since the car was not parked. He asked how I would go home and I said I was going to walk. He dropped his bag, took a seat and said he would wait for me so he could walk me home.

I wrapped up and that walk was the beginning of the beginning. We sang, gisted, laughed. We agreed to do a duet. The duet was finally happening. Without knowing it, I let down my defenses.

I went on the trip (the one I went to get a visa for) and then I met this guy...

Xoxo

Your favourite writer girl,
Love

OLUWAJOMILOJU

 It was a Saturday evening. We were in church for choir rehearsal. I was to take lead of the song. We were on stage. We had sang the song once but something was off with the syncopation of the instrumentalists. So we took a few minutes break for them to sort it out but still stayed on the stage.

Then I felt a trickle down my legs. 'Na sweat be this one abi na wetin', I thought to myself. It did not stop. Everywhere was noisy now. The singers had paired themselves up to gist while waiting for the instrumentalists. I told the next person I was going to the toilet just incase they asked after me.

I got to the toilet. No, it was not sweat. It was blood. I was losing my baby. I was wearing a black cloth, so I used a part of it to clean it, then I washed my hands.At that point I could hear my husband calling out for me. I put my legs tightly together to walk back in to avoid the blood trickle from dropping.

They were ready for me. I sang as tears welled up in my eyes. It was a good thing no one could see me as they were all behind me. I didn't tell my husband yet. I didn't want to distract him from rehearsal.

God so good, we sang it just once. I picked up a wrapper I took to church for Raphael and put it over the seat before I sat. I could feel the wrapper soaking up. Announcements were made and we closed. After everyone left, I told him what was happening. He helped me to the car.
-
We found out we were expecting a few weeks earlier. The plan was to conceive when Raphael clocked one. I meant it when I said I wanted to be done with babies by 30. But tada! A baby was on the way earlier. We were excited. Only to be losing the baby? We even had a scan o.
-
We got home that night and the blood began to gush with lumps. It was really happening. I cried and worshipped all through. I used layered sanitary towels to church, I still led the song and sang my heart out. Because even if I don't understand His ways, I trust Him.

It was painful but He said he will not give me more than I can bear. The foetus evacuated itself from my body throughout that week. By the next Saturday, we went for a scan where it was confirmed there was no longer a baby.

I cried o but we move.....

-
A few months (or is it even a month sef) down the line, He blessed us with Joshua. The most precious child ever. Now that I think about it, I think God was saving me. My body was not yet ready. Today, there is no more pain. He turned our mourning into dancing. He really surprised us which is why we named him "Oluwajomiloju". He is a reminder that God always keeps his word and has our best interests.

JJ will be 6 months old tomorrow. My carbon copy 😜 (haters will hate @ehigochosamuel) is officially a big boy.

Indeed, time is a healer.

Xx

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

SURPRISE!!!

 "Babe, please follow me to the store. I want to surprise mummy with one bag like that". We left my mum with our kids and strolled out with only an ATM card in my pocket. I was going to pull off the perfect surprise. 

You see my mum ensures everyone's comfort before hers. I wanted to make her priority! Treat her like the queen she is. I had seen that particular bag while out with her one day and made a mental note to go back and get it. 

As we got to the store, shebi I was supposed to tell the attendants what I wanted and they would get it? But no, ITK went straight to the bag. I even had to stand on my toes to reach it. I pulled it down, held it in my left hand as I reached into my pocket for my card with my right hand. I looked around it for a price tag but there was none. My husband was engrossed in the male section admiring shoes. 

Cash Money like me, my hand was midway stretched out to hand over the card as I asked "How much?" 

"Nine hundred and fifty thousand naira ma", she replied. My chest did gbajodoyapiiiiiiiiiiiii. I just dey hear wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Almost simultaneously,  the bag dropped from my hand. I think it was out of shock. "Mo ti da ran, I don enter", I thought to myself. The sales rep rushed to pick it up before I could even move. I was praying to God that there would be no scratch on the bag from that fall. I remembered how I went to a supermarket with Nifemi and she knocked down a bottle of cashew nuts and the bottle broke and they made me pay. Shebi that one was N600. Where I wan enter with this one? 950k? Mo ya humble. Cash money without cash😂 

Then the owner of the store who was busy on her computer looked up and said to her sales rep "950,000? What is wrong with you. This one is One million naira". Then turning to me she said "Madam, you will enjoy this bag. It's an exclusive Ferragamo. I will advise you to just take it because when next you come,you won't meet it at this price because of exchange rate". Na 1 million, as in N1,000,000, we dey talk about o. I was sweating and the AC was on. 

I now said with a very polished accent "Kai, I'm not sure I like this colour. Do you have it in chestnut?" 😂😂😂 She replied in the negative. I said I would have to come another time then as I really wanted it in Chestnut. That's how God saved you people's cash money. Phew. Mo ya take off immediately. 

I went back to my mum's and said "I wanted to surprise you but I was the one that was surprised" 😂 

Thank God we serve the King of surprises who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the original cash money. He said "...I'm about to do something brand new. It's bursting out. Don't you see it?...I'm making a road through the desert" (Isa 43:19 MSG). What is Ferragamo to my God, ordinary 1m? Abeg make them getat. 

May God give you a pleasant surprise that will cause ears to tingle. 

Peace, love and pleasant surprises, 

Your favourite writer girl,

Love.

Final episode. Happy Endings continued

 Thirty Tales

Final Episode

On happy endings (Continued)

I made a personal decision not to discuss the circumstances surrounding my divorce at the time. This left room for a lot of speculation. People who knew nothing about what transpired were giving full on details. I was shocked. I was hearing things about myself that I did not even know.

It became serious when 'they' began to contact Ehi and his family. Chief among these rumours was that I could not have more children. He was told that I was driven out due to my inability to coceive again after my daughter. 

Another ridiculous one was that my parents paid Ehi to quickly marry me to cover up their shame. Gosh!

It was literally us against the world. We would drive by and look in the side mirror and see people talking about us and pointing fingers. Someone told me of a conversation about me that was being held in a bus. I no kill person oh!

But I had seen enough bullsh*t (excuse my French) to care what others thought about something that wasn't their concern. 'They' were not there when I almost died. God so good, he gave me a man who knew what he wanted and NEVER faltered.

I must admit, the infertility rumour got to me and I started second guessing my faith. Was it true that I did not take in after my daughter? True. But I had seen it as God sparing me from further ties. When the rumours began to spread, I thought to myself "Perhaps, I may be barren". Ehi refused to let me wallow in fear. We forged on. You can imagine my surprise when we took in immediately. Ntorrr to the haters 😛

Our journey has been nothing short of amazing. It was like God just said it was time for me to be pampered. This man LOVES me. It is almost unreal. I was speaking with my mother the other day and I told her I do not like to share about my marriage because people will not believe me. It sounds too good to be true but it is true. I've never met anyone so selfless, so loving, so caring. I cannot quarrel with this man because I will be quarreling with myself. Just small squeezing of face, he has plastered my face with kisses. He moves mountains to ensure our comfort before his.

God has done me well. Ehi is the highlight of my decade. He has brought so much joy into my life and the lives of our children. He is my best friend in every sense of the word. I cannot imagine my life without him.

It all makes sense now. All the broken roads I had to take was to bring me here. I will never take this gift of a great marriage for granted. I have seen the opposite and I can never wish it on my worst enemy. Every area of my life is flourishing because I am at peace. 

If you know my husband and you see him anywhere or if you have his number; please help me thank him for being a great husband. Tell him I stan him forever.

It's our anniversary also tomorrow. It is a double celebration for us. I look forward to the next decade and the next and the next............with Ehi by my side. God has been faithful to us.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. Thirty Tales has been amazing. I have connected and reconnected with so many people. It has been a great experience for me.

Till next time,

Your favourite writer girl,

Love.