Before I die, I'll live

"Mummy, when will we start going to church and school?", Nifemi asked me. It has probably began to get to my baby girl too.

We have never had it this bad. By we, I mean those of us in the north. We are used to curfews and general unrest. There's always one religious crisis or the other. We hide. It blows over after a few weeks. Life resumes.

For the first time, it's not about what religion we practice or who we voted. It's about survival. A fight for life. A deep seated fear that my precautions alone cannot save me. I can only hope those around me take precautions too. My life depends on it. All our lives depend on it.

I open my Instagram each day and as I scroll through, I see a celebrity face more than once and I already know- that person has contacted the virus too. My chest tightens a bit and I feel like the walls are closing in. I get up, disinfect my door handles and surfaces and force my husband and daughter to wash their hands for the umpteenth time and read more horrible news. Every gaddam day. Fear!

So today I said to fear, 'ENOUGH'. I skipped every bad news on my feed today. My papa preached a message tagged 'Supposing there's no tomorrow?' It got me thinking. There's a list of things I would love to do if there is no tomorrow. So here's what I've chosen to do:
* Pick up working out again
* Eating healthy
* Lots of dancing
* Lots of singing
* Writing my book
* Reading books
* Bonding with God
* Bonding with family
* Pray for all our health workers
* Drinking loads of water
* Watching movies
* Work on my website
* Staying safe
* Practicing social distancing
* CHILL

No more fear. I am going to live this life to the fullest and not dwell on thoughts of the virus. You attract your thoughts. We will beat corona virus and that's what I have chosen to think about. And as my new book title says, BEFORE I DIE, I'LL LIVE.

What would you do today if there was no tomorrow?

Peace, love and God's protection,

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Everything with God is a big deal

GOD HUMBLED ME!!!
God is the greatest. There's so much going on in the world right now that has got me really really thinking. Tonight, I can't help but think about how the lives of young school girls WITHIN the confines of their school (and the hundreds of people in that area who were also affected) ended due to the gas explosion. They were not walking on the road o!

Anyway, back to my own testimony. You know how God does something for you, you like it o, but you make it sound trivial; not a big deal. Listen, everything with God is a BIG DEAL!

I had a fever last week. It started on Wednesday afternoon and I was due to sing that same evening. I took my injections and was on stage 10 minutes later. I sang my heart out and was basically making the declarations in that song over my health (I overcame by Ada Ehi). God worked wonders, I was still able to express breastmilk for my son and I began to get better. By night, I was bent over as I sat and I noticed breastmilk had leaked all the way to the floor. It was a large quantity. I made a careless statement, "na wa o, when I'm not selling it. Abeg, all this leaking is disturbing me".

I woke up early the next morning to express as usual and I got a very little quantity. Strange! I continued by day's activities. By afternoon I got about 50ml. It is not even up to a quarter of what Raph takes. I pumped every hour and kept getting between 30-50ml. My mum and mum in love had to come over. I drank papa and kunu like my life depended on it.

By Saturday morning, it became obvious that I had to find an alternative. I was drained, weak and frustrated. By afternoon, still no bmilk so we bought a can of formula. Ha! I cried silent tears. Nothing wrong with formula but I couldn't just understand how I went from excess to nothing. My mum kept saying "You have tried your best." We gave him and after many attempts he eventually took it. I was VERY sad.

We went for choir rehearsals but my mind was unsettled so I left. I went to my room and played back everything in my mind and realized I was the cause of my own misfortune. So I prayed. I called God 'The giver and taker of breastmilk'. I asked him to have mercy and restore. Before my son woke, I tried to pump again. Ladies and gentlemen, it began to flow. That's how I jejely packed the formula away. Raph didn't have to take it a second time. Onise Iyanu did his wonders. God has completely restored us. Tonight as I expressed (all that quantity in less than an hour), I got a prompting to share this testimony.

I am reminded again never to take the blessings of God for granted. Also, words are powerful. I will never ever complain about excess milk in my life.

Also, don't forget, everything with God is BIG DEAL.

Peace, love and joy,

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Somebody's role model

Post Secondary school, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde was EVERYTHING for me. There was grace in her strides. She exuded confidence and a beautiful aura. I toyed with the idea of being an actress because of her😂. I would often try to mimic how she walked and dressed. I felt powerful because of her.

Then it was Simi in Uni days. Though not popular then, her music was EVERYTHING. I could sing ALL her songs word for word. I began to take my music seriously.

During MA days, it was Mali Music and Gaise. I began to really think deep and have uncomfortable conversations about religion and life. And then I threw in a little Ed Sheeran. Oh and Isha Sesay too.

Then I 'met' Sarah Jakes Roberts through her books and I was transported into her world and I was like Yassss! Chileeeee. Nobody 'badder' than! But seriously her faith and fashion have a serious influence on me.

I ran into my gym instructor one evening at the gym. He recalled that he had seen me earlier in the day. I was going to the gym in the morning and evening EVERY DAY. I was obsessed with losing weight. He told me I was beautiful and should embrace my beauty and that I did not need 2 sessions per day. That was the day I decided I would not kill myself😁. I never got his name till I left Westminster but he influenced me a great deal.

Then I 'met' Tiwa Savage through her interview on HIP TV One day. She damned her fame and told the world her truth. Just like that! Coincidentally, I was in the same boat. Then I thought, "If she can, then I can".

I guess what I'm trying to say is that at every point in my life I have had huge influences as you must have too.
Same way, you are also an influence to someone else. Make it count! I will continue to reiterate that your life is not just for you. It is a mirror that will guide someone else (even if it is for a short period of time). Live your best God-given life and do not abuse the sphere of influence He has given to you.

I have not watched an Omotola movie in ages, I have not yet listened to Simi's new song- By you nor Gaise's newest single, I don't have Mali's last album, I don't think I know any Tiwa Savage song (I still listened to SJR last week sha); but I am grateful for the roles they played in my life when they were most needed.

I should sleep now, else I'll keep typing away.

Peace, love and sunshine,

Your favourite writer girl,

Love.

Pay it forward

My wide smile gradually began to fade as I watched my co-passengers all depart the airport. I panicked as I continued to wait for my friend at ARRIVALS of the Indira Gandhi airport. I could not call as my SIM was not recognized and there was no internet. I could not do anything. Worse still, English is not the dominant language in India so I knew asking for help would be difficult. Hot tears had gathered in my eyes. I was in an unknown country. An unknown continent as a matter of fact and the only contact I knew was not there to get me.The first person I spoke to did not understand a word I said. Then I met another who understood English. I explained my situation and he asked for my friend's number. He called and spoke in Hindi to her and he said he would wait with me till she came. "She's here", I screamed as I sighted her from a distance. I was so grateful to him and we both went our ways.

Fast forward to 7 days later on my way back to Nigeria. We flew from India to Turkey where we had to wait 8 hours for a connecting flight to Abuja. I was prepared. I had a book, money to pay for WIFI and my fully charged phone and earpiece for music. I also took the plane blanket🙈 and used to make a comfortable seat for myself as there are no seats except in the the dining areas. I got comfortable and then called my parents (I had bought WIFI from a shop). Pops let me know I was entitled to a free meal since it's a long wait. I rushed there sharp sharp, ate to my satisfaction and went back to my WIFI spot (you lose connection when you move more than 10 feet away from the shop). I was just about to settle in when this mummy came to me.
Mummy: Well done o. Are you a Nigerian?
Me: Yes
Mummy: Abi Yoruba ni yin? (Are you yoruba?)
Me: *smiling and pretending not to understand Yoruba*. Side note: Yoruba people like to do parapo aka gum body when they find themselves abroad. And I really wanted a quiet time besides she would discover that my Yoruba is bad and begin a lecture on mother tongue preservation. Abeg I don't like stress, let's speak English.

Mummy went on to explain how she had been stranded at the airport for 3 days. She missed her connecting flight. The airport is too large so you have to keep checking the notification boards and she probably forgot the time. Since then she was not able to reach her daughter in America whom she went to visit and her family in Lagos that had been expecting her. She had no money on her to buy WIFI. It was a no brainer. I immediately asked for her daughter's number in America and called her on WhatsApp. Oh the joy! They must have spoken for 30 minutes. They spoke in Yoruba and I understood the entire conversation but I kept a straight face😏. Apparently, mummy went to visit her daughter and the husband in America and their living condition was very bad. The husband did not have a job and the daughter's job was not great. Mummy ended up dropping everything she had for them and went to the airport with no money. Mummy kept praying for her daughter and told her not to give up that things would be better. Her daughter promised to contact Lagos so they could come pick her.

After the conversation, mummy never left my side. I kept helping her check for her flight as she was flying to Lagos which was before me. When her flight number came on, I alerted her and she made me walk her to her terminal.

As I lost sight of her, I looked up and said "God I see what you are doing!" Isn't it funny how the universe demands from us the same things it gives to us. Only 7 days earlier I was stranded and a stranger helped me and it suddenly became my turn to help another.

After God has come through for you and the time to pay it forward comes, do not hold back. Especially in terms of kindness. If we all extend a helping hand, we will have a happy jolly world.

What will you be paying forward?

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

P.s One way you can pay kindness forward is by sponsoring ONE child in Primary school through the PROJECT ONE initiative. It costs 36,000 per year without textbooks and 44,500 per year eith textbooks. Contact me for more details.

Living my best life

"Give me husband or I die" I said to my mother as I placed the bottle of otapiapia (rat poison) on my lower lip and prepared to gulp it down. My mother was confused and began to wail begging me not to take my life. Just in the nick of time, Ehigocho came in. Seeing the pandemonium, he offered himself and said the words "Here I am, I don't have money but I will marry her". He thus became the sacrificial lamb that stopped me from dying and married me.

This was somebody's version of how my husband and I met. She gave the gist as though it was first hand information and she lived in the same home with me. I laughed it off and did not bother to offer the true version.

I do realize that my purpose is way bigger than I am. My personality will have me hide away in a corner and fade into background but somehow at every point, I am sought out. I decided to stop running and face the fact that I am a force to be reckoned with. While I would love to wait and correct every wrong impression of me; I simply cannot. The tasks ahead are enormous and I must keep moving.

So instead, this is what I do- I live out my truth and audaciously live my best God given life. What this means is that...

*I am blessed on every side
*My husband and I are not poor and will never be.
*God has blessed us on every side. Our children surround our table.
*Our name and fame is travelling around the world. Domestic and international doors are opened unto us.
*We are instruments in the hand of God. We will bring about the salvation and deliverance of many.
*Our gifts will make room for us.
*We will die empty. Every potential God has deposited in us will used.
*We are chopping life. We will visit the most exotic places and enjoy luxury.
*Our names will continually be on the lips of many because we cannot be ignored.
*Our love is waxing stronger on a daily. God looks down on us and He is so proud of us.

These are my truths. What's yours?

When you do God, the world will eventually adjust. X

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Jesus was not mean

*
We had just parked the car when I saw a parent coming out of the premises of the school in tears. We beckoned on her but she refused to wait and kept walking very fast. I was furious, I thought a staff had been rude to her or perhaps something worse. It turned out that she had brought only one of her two children to school. The teacher asked for her son (he is in Pry 2 by the way) and she said his father would not let him come to school. When she was told the last examination for the term was today, she began to cry and walked away.

By 12 noon she was back in school with her son and immediately went on her knees begging for her son to be given his exams. We told her to get up as it was not that serious but she refused. She said that they woke up for devotion in the morning and her son instead of concentrating on the prayer was busy arranging his things for exam. He was found out when his sharpener dropped which caught the attention of his father. He was furious and said the boy would not write his exam and asked him to sit under the sun till 3pm. (If you live in Kaduna, you know what the weather is like now.)

The father who was furious on Jesus' behalf helped Jesus to punish a 7 year old boy in such a manner. Thankfully he had mercy and he was released earlier than scheduled.

It reminded me of a time I was tagged a witch because I would not kneel for prayer in late pregnancy😂 #JesusWasNotMean

*
Office gossip got to us that a certain staff said we would not make heaven and we were leading people to hell. She said this because we wear trousers and earrings. She said even the traditional thread was a sin against God. But she works for people going to hell and earns the money she spends from them. Does that not mean....? Anyway, never mind. Plus one of her children is on full scholarship. It is wickedness. #JesusWasNotMean

*
Someone cursed me out in public for walking out of an abusive marriage. I took it in good faith and wished his daughter the Lord's strength when she will eventually land in an abusive marriage. He flipped and said I was cursing his child. So e dey pain?😂 #JesusWasNotMean.

How about we cut people some slack, just as Jesus does us?
How about correcting people in love as Jesus did?
How about we don't force our beliefs on people but rather pray them through if we feel so strongly about them?
How about praying for people even when you do not understand why they do what they do?
How about minding your business?
How about being an example of what people should emulate?
How about being truly Christ-like?

Don't help Jesus punish people. Thank you!

Peace, love and cupcakes.

Your favourite writer girl,

Love.

Aanu Oluwa Kìítan - The full gist

"...I stretched out my hand to pick up the phone and see what the notification was about. It was his Twitter application. I tapped on it and the notifications were from the DM (Direct Message). I opened it and the first message I opened went something like this:

Dare*: Hi sexy
Twitter girl: Hi
Dare*: You look so beautiful
Twitter girl: Thanks
Dare*: I like you. Please give me a chance. I want to kiss you so passionately and run my fingers through your body.
Twitter girl: *No reply*
No this was not what was painful. It was the fact that the girl looked like a teenager and the date. It was during the last week of November, 2013. 2 weeks to our wedding. The exact time I was in London dead worried that we did not have a reception venue. I was so mad I felt like kicking something. But I chose to cry. I cried a long time. I felt used, stupid and played. I woke him up gently and as his eyes cleared, I just pointed the screen of the phone to him. He begged but his words were inaudible to me. I was in pain. My heart was broken into a million pieces. In the morning, I called our pastor to inform him and he asked that we both came to see him.
I did not take a picture of the chat and by the time we got to the pastors office, it was all gone. He deleted everything. He told the pastor I was confusing things; that he was merely encouraging a young girl in distress. I burst into another round of tears begging to be believed. ‘I know what I read sir’ I said to papa. I left that office convinced that what happened did not happen."

This is an excerpt from my book #BeforeIdieI'llLive. The moment I got done writing (a few days to my wedding) and held the manuscript and read it to myself, I could not believe the difference between the girl in that book and the woman I am now. As I got done reading, I blurted out 'Àanu Oluwa Kìítan'. That was the summary of my story. Indeed God has been merciful to me.

I felt like God wanted me to write my story for ME to read it and see how far I have come. I walked out of an abusive marriage and thought it was the end and God sent a hot cup of chocolate 😋 (HAVE YOU SEEN MY HUSBAND?). I may or may not be publishing the book.

Anyway, this song is close to my heart and it would mean a lot if you download, listen and share with others.

https://gospelmenu.com/sound/track/236960/aanu_oluwa_kiitan
Peace, love and chocolate,
Your favourite writer girl,
Love

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