The day my daughter called another child a goat

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. My daughter and I were jamming to our favourite songs in the car as I drove to church. I spotted a herd of goats running very fast by the side of the road. It was a beautiful sight. I called her attention to it and she was also fascinated and then we both forgot about it.

Our church has a very beautiful scenery, you can't help but take pictures of yourself, so as is our custom, I asked her to pose while I clicked away on my phone. Suddenly her attention drifted away. She was looking at this girl who was running towards us very fast. And then she said 'Mummy see this girl running like a goat. She is a goat' I almost passed out from embarrassment. Some people overheard and gave us the judgmental look. How do I begin to explain that she's only transferring knowledge from one situation (few minutes earlier when we saw a herd of goats running)to another situation(innocent girl running on her own). In this case, we had a negative transfer of knowledge where previous knowledge affected the performance in a new event. Simply put, she saw a goat running fast and so anybody that runs fast is a goat to her. Her mind had drawn a relationship between goat and running. Jean Piaget's theory of cognitive development actually groups 2-7 year olds in a stage called 'pre-operational'. At this stage, they have a problem with classification. They may refer to all fruits as mango because they know mango is a fruit, so every fruit is a mango.

How do I even begin to explain this mumbo jumbo to these people staring at us. I tried to scold Nifemi even though I UNDERSTOOD she did not mean to insult the child. She got upset and started rolling on the floor and crying and kept saying 'but she was running like a goat.' I was further embarrassed and decided to let it go and let them think what they wanted.

ONE situation viewed differently. In my journey in life, I have learnt that things are not always how they seem. Nothing means anything except the meaning you give to it. How do YOU choose to see life?

Some people saw my child as disrespectful but I saw someone merely conforming to the stages of cognitive development. Do not be boxed in the boundary conditions of your thinking (Albert Einsten). Be open to change. Be willing to listen to the other side of the story. Be open to believe that there can be another ending. Believe that there is a better side. There are always two or more ways to look at a situation. Do not self sabotage. Yes, you do not look like it now and may perhaps already be written off by people. Flip the coin and see how God is using your ruins for a testimony. People may see failure but choose to see feedback.

Very importantly, you have no control on how people choose to view your situation but you have control over what you allow into your space. Irrespective of the situation, always choose positive vibes only and know that ALL things are working out for your good. Do not allow someone else's warped mentality control you. There are two options; life and death. I choose to see life where others see death. The power to choose lies with me.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue...” – Proverbs 18:21

Love and light always,

Love.

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#TellerOfTales
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#LifeOrDeath

Be founded first in God

'♪Jimina, are you feeling me, Jimina, you are the dining hall rocket♫' And with a drumming pattern that sounded like DIM DIMKA DIM DIMKA the whole class would burst into the song using desks or stainless steel plates and spoons for rhythm.

Going to Gray's International College of Science, Management and Information Technology  (GICSMIT) remains one of the greatest honours of my life. The day prospective students were given a tour of the school, I wondered where my parents would find the money. Somehow they did and I immediately felt out of place the moment I resumed. All the other new kids looked way cooler. My home clothes were bleh. So I was almost sleeping at the tailor's shop in school so as to get my uniform on time so that at least I would look like everyone else. 

Gray College was really beautiful. I remember the several Ostriches and Peacocks that strolled the compound. They were so beautiful. Few weeks as a student in Gray, my classmates started to call me 'Jimina'. It means an Ostrich in Hausa. They said I had a small head and big body like an ostrich. I did not like like but there was nothing i could do about it.

Going to that kind of School meant that I only got my needs and not want. Being the foodie that I am, the 2 sets of provisions my parents graciously provided per month was not always enough so I never missed going to the school dining 3 times a day. Now, this was not something for cool kids. Cool kids did not go to the school dining, you would  always find them at the school shop. I loved going to the dining so much that I started taking my plate and spoon to class so I would just go for my meal straight  from class rather than go back to the hostel. Unfortunately  during a class period, my plate fell from my bag and made a very loud noise and everyone started laughing and they nicknamed me 'The Dining Hall Rocket'. And so throughout my junior secondary school, I became known as 'Jimina, the dining hall rocket'.

Inferiority complex set in. I wished I was like the children of the Elites. They weren't bothered by seniors. Their life was easy. They had strong cliques. I remember after returning from one holiday, and one of the privileged ones had gone to the UK for summer and returned with matching wristwatches for her clique. They were 6 of them. They looked so good. I was so jealous. I desperately wanted to belong. Valentine day was horrible. People like me would sit and watch gifts being delivered to them by their crush or friends. Sometimes they sent people like me to deliver the gifts. Why didn't ANYBODY even like me? I had my beloved friend Sharon of blessed memory. She would say we should not worry about Stuff like that but it bothered me. Sharon would wake me up at night to pray but I would be embarrassed. I didn't want the cool kids to see us.

Then one day, Aisha Abdullahi (of blessed memory) started talking to me. She was a cool kid and so beautiful. I think I became obsessed with her. Finally, association with her would fix my social status. I was all up in her space. But no,her friends didn't treat me like her. I was angry. Like Rachel in Genesis  30 vs 1 who told Jacob 'Give me sons I die'. I was making a silent  plea to Aisha 'Raise my social status or I die😁' When it wasn't happening, I tried to fix it too like Rachel. Rachel got her maid to have sons for her husband. She thought it would bring her satisfaction but she still felt empty(1-24). I opted to start washing Aisha's clothes🙈It would make us closer, I thought. It did make us closer but it did not change how people saw me. And one day, I just stopped.

I just did not care anymore. Frolicking with the cool ones did not satisfy me. I decided to do the things I loved. I read novels, wrote songs and joined the choir and started going to fellowship  more . Very uncool things but I was happy. The teasing, nicknames and inferiority complex stopped. To my surprise, people wanted to be friends with me. Aisha remained one of my best friends and had a new respect for me. And then, someone had a crush on me😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 (trust me these things matter to teenagers) and he gifted me the most beautiful pink silicon band that  had my name  inscribed on it. I would hear someone give me a shoutout on the radio (there was a school radio station) and I knew finally, I cool too. This came by just being me. I did not stop going to the dining. Infact being a senior  meant I could take my food to the hostel and the cool ones will beg you for 'one spoon' so all na packaging.God had taken away my humiliation like Rachel who finally decided to trust God and got her own child too. The things we so desperately crave rests in us being true to ourselves. No one can fix you. No one can give you happiness. No one can give you joy. If they give it, then it means they can take it away. Be founded first in God and others will find you. ❤    

Love and light,

Love.

#TellerOfTales

#IseeGodInEverything

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Identity

06224004
This was my identity while studying in the University of Abuja. It was my point of reference. No one ever asked of your name, all they needed was your number. It was the number you needed to go check your result when they were released. It was my pride and joy. It was my strength and my weakness too. If points were to be awarded, it was to this number and if someone was to deliberately attack me academically, this number was all the needed. I carried this number with so much confidence. It was my secret weapon. It was what set me apart from every other person in my department. It was my unique feature.
As a fresh jambite, we were to take our course forms for signing to the respective lecturers. I was done with the lecturers in my department but we also had elective courses from other departments. I went to one of this other departments to sign and knocked on a door. I stated my purpose, he asked me to sit. After a while, he started to come towards me. He tried to touch me. I jumped up, I was so scared. I was 16 years old. I gathered my papers to leave and he said when I was ready to get it signed, I should return. It was like replaying a Nollywood script.
I never went back. Lectures began and I never saw him come to our class. Turns out he was not even the lecturer for the course. He only tried to take advantage of me because he knew I was naive. We met again in 300 level 1st semester. This time he was one of our examination invigilator. We had been taken to a Government secondary school called Gado Nasco to write our exams. I entered into that school premises and my eyes met with his. I thought he would not remember. I greeted him and he said to me ‘You think you can escape from me. If I want to deal with you, I know how to get you.’ I just walked away. I knew I needed to protect my identification number from this man, that was the only way he could attack me. He could connive with a lecturer from my own department to frustrate me. So I hid. I did not want him to see the class I was writing since there were many classes. Unfortunately, he found out my class. Answer booklets were shared and as usual, we were told to fill in our details. This man came and stood in front of me and I refused to write. He stood there and kept gazing at me and i just stared into thin air. He moved and I filled in my details and he was back again. So I used my elbow to cover what I had written. I knew he could not yank off my hand in full glare of everyone. Question papers had been shared at this time and I was not writing because my number had already been written on every page of the booklet. He was really taunting me. After what felt like forever, he left and never came back to the class. He failed at getting the necessary tool to attack me.
In my second semester in the same 300level, a lecturer who had been taking us since 100level paid me a compliment as I ran into him after class. He said ‘You’re so beautiful. Just like my wife.’ And I thanked him and went my way. The following Monday, I got a text message that said ‘Meet me at Atlas hotel, 10AM on Thursday.’ I was sure it was a mistake. On the said Thursday, a call comes in. I pick and it’s that same lecturer. He says this is Dr xxx. I’m surprised as to why he will be calling me and then he says he has been waiting for me at the hotel 😃😃 I ask him if all is well, he says not to be stupid. So I tell him I am unavailable. He sends another text the next Monday. I ignored it, he called on the Thursday  (I think Thursdays are his thing) and I ignored his calls. From then on, he decided to make my life a living hell. He would ask me out of his class for no reason. I was worried. He has my identification number, knows my name and was taking us 2 courses that semester. Mind you throughout 100 and 200 level, I had As in all his courses. At that point, I had calculated my GPA, I actually had a shot at a 1st class. I needed 6 As that semester. I had it worked out. Results were released and this man gave me 2 Cs. I say this without pride, I am not a C student. My course mates were shocked. It had never happened before. Who do I report to? I was told to thank God he did not fail me. But to me a C was a fail. My dream of a 1st class went out the window. Although I was best graduating student, I didn’t hit that 4.5 mark and I was so close. He knew what to attack and how to use it.
Samson fell in love with a woman called Delilah and let her in on his secret weapon and his source of power, his identity. He told her his strength was in his hair and she cut it. People only attack what you expose. They can only work with the information that you give them. Don’t let just anyone in on your strength and or weaknesses. It is a tool and can be used against you. What people don’t know they can’t attack. Keep your relationships and families private. Don’t display your budding plans just so you can #pepperdem. Protect your happiness with everything you have. Do not give away cheaply what you spent years toiling to get.

I repeat again, protect your happiness.

I ain't no Sapphira

I attended a boarding school and at the end of WAEC and NECO examinations, I was so excited to be back home. My dad asked how the exams went and wanted to know if there was any exam malpractice. I told him how I saw people talk here and there, nothing major but of course, I did not participate. Or did I? I chose to conceal that information because technically I did not do anything. Ssssh Holy Spirit not now!

And then we got the news that WAEC result had been released. My result was beautiful but I could not find my Commerce result. It was not relevant to my course choice but it was my second favourite subject and I wanted to know how well I did. My dad was very upset. WAEC had no right to withhold my Commerce, he said. He started making calls, said he needed an explanation. Then I remembered!!! I began to panic and sweat. During the Commerce exam, the student behind me couldn't come up with anything on his sheet and without permission as I raised my hand to submit,the invigilator took my sheet and passed it to that student to copy. There was nothing I could do.

Now back to reality, I don't know what to do. I'm thinking, perhaps this boy copied verbatim and WAEC found out? I had to confess to save my father the embarrassment. So I walked in, my head bowed and I said 'Daddy, I let somebody copy my Commerce exam maybe that's why WAEC refused to release it.' He was so disappointed. Not because I let somebody copy me (even though in my house talking in exam is still cheating. We don't talk 😂) but because he asked me and I lied by refusing to say the complete truth. He still whisked me off to WAEC office weeks later and we were told I had a perfect score in Commerce so they just needed to be sure before it was released. Phew!!! So you mean it's not because somebody copied me🤔 Really though HolySpirit, you had to drag me like this to get me to confess? The Commerce result was eventually released and it was a beautiful A1.

The thing with the HolySpirit is that just being an accomplice or being aware lands you the same punishment as the proprietor. I mean look at Sapphira in Acts 5:2 (JM AMP) 'And with his wife's knowledge...HE kept back some of the proceeds'. He (Ananais) wanted to dupe God. Sapphira's crime was that she was aware and tried to cover up. The same judgment of death that came on the husband fell on the wife too. Both husband and wife were obviously church people, it was their money and it probably was not convenient to give it all. All Ananais needed to do was speak the truth. Sapphira had no hand in this except that she chose to cover him. The HolySpirit does not joke yo. He can be gentle but don't test Him.

You know that Nigerian song that says 'I no go lie to you but I fit lie for you' 😅 Don't do it o. No one is worth grieving the HolySpirit for. Don't be like Sapphira. DO NOT TELL LIES (small, large, extra large~ they are all lies)

Peace and love,

Love.

As usual, if this has blessed you, please share.

When it rains....

When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars

The other day, someone called me up requesting for coconut oil and I found myself passing on Nifemi's dad's contact to this person gladly. Then it hit me, I am really healed. Finally, I've been set free from hurt and pain. Nifemi's dad and I have been separated for a while (ghenghen!!!! Exclusive). Prior to this, I had moved out 8 times but I've never really felt sure until this time around. For such a long time, I felt like such a loser. I remember mailing one of my mentors who I have never met before and I typed 'I saved my virginity for this man, why would this happen. So my virginity just wasted😅'  He gracefully replied saying 'you did not save it for him, you simply honoured God'. Yes I've been hurt, abused, heck I even contemplated suicide in this marriage but I would be lying if I say there are only sour tales. Today, I want to celebrate everything Nifemi's dad taught me in our 4 years of marriage:

*I like to think of myself as a technical guru 😂 He taught me all those complicated cables. I can set up a home theatre yo. Plus I can enter NEPA credit, change face (or is it phase?) Plus I can manipulate my way on the switch board when there is no power supply in a part of the house. Clap for me 😁 Thank you Baba Nifemz.

*He really did like my make-up. If I do decide in future to take make-up professionally, I'll never forget how much he believed in it. Thank you Baba Nifemz.

*He increased my business acumen. Best business team ever. Raise your hand if you ever bought 'Traditions Coconut oil'. He was the producing officer and I was the marketer of life. We did make good money from it. And I got free coconut oil too. I used to prepoo my hair every week😂 It is very painful now that I have to go to stores to buy coconut oil like you all the masses. I keep praying to God I'm not buy-in fake😅 Please still hit him up if in need of coconut oil. Plus I sold chinchin at some point in my life to make ends meet and he did help out. Thank you Baba Nifemz.

*I learnt how to have little and be content. Yo, we would literally scratch our bags for the last Kobo and we would get whatever it could afford us and we would be very content. Or the time e walked a very long distance back home.because we were so broke but we were content. Or the weeks we ate yam for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We were very grateful for that season. Thank you Baba Nifemz.

*For teaching me how to reaaaaaallly cook. Whoosh not all the one I was doing before marriage. I am talking proper egusi, ogbono, don't even talk about my efo riro. He patiently took his time and we did practicals over and over again. Till I became the baddest chef ever (yes I say so myself). Of course I took refresher courses from DooneysKitchen. Thank you Baba Nifemz.

*For helping me out during car troubles. I still don't know how to open the bonnet. So yeah, thank you Baba Nifemz.

*And For the Ultimate, we made the most perfect daughter everrrrr Angel Oluwanifemi Adeyemi. Phew, how else would my bestie have come to the world. Plus she loves both her parents so much. The way she says 'My name is Nifemi ADEYEMI' and I'm like who is dragging it with you aunty😄 so again, thank you Baba Nifemz.

I'm a firm believer in the saying that everything happens for a reason. And so I choose to see the rainbows and the stars. No, we will not n getting back together but this is how you can help- you can pray that God perfects all that concerns us and help us co-parent gracefully.

Romans 8:28- 'And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God...'

Peace and love always..

When I was leaving London finally in 2013, I shopped a lot for things I knew I would need in Nigeria. This beautiful H&M bag was one of them. At the time, it was quite pricy for me but I felt I would not always come across it and it was worth the investment. I imagined myself going to casual outings and picnics with cute jeans shorts and my lovely portable bag. 1,2,3 and then 4 years went by and I never used the bag. It was well wrapped and kept on top of my wardrobe where no hand could reach it. I just felt like I never had the perfect occasion to use it. No time ever felt right. So I kept it safe or so I thought. Few weeks ago, Nifemi started whining about wanting to carry a handbag to church. I then remembered my precious bag that was well hidden and protected. It's a petite bag, it would definitely suit her, I thought. So I got a stool, climbed up and brought it down and to my amazement, the leather had peeled off. Even Nifemi rejected it at this point (babe is high maintenance 😅).

 You see, the most precious of things cannot shine or reproduce when hidden. Trying to dim your light so others don't feel intimidated is shooting yourself in the foot. You cannot blossom whilst hidden.There is NEVER a perfect time. Maximize all that God has placed inside you and do it now because guess what? While you delay, He has passed the baton to someone else. No time!

I am not ashamed to admit that I behaved like that foolish servant in Matthew 25:14- 30 whose master gave $1000 and instead of going to invest it, he buried it. The Message translation is actually hilarious. Take a look at what happened when the master got back and he was giving his report:

“The servant given one thousand said, ‘Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’
“The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.
“‘Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this “play-it-safe” who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.’

Ya heard???? Get rid of that 'play-it-safe' mentality else your portion will be given to another. It would suck to let your priceless destiny go to waste because you chose to hide. Don't hide your talents, don't suppress your potentials, don't sell yourself short. You are fabulous, priceless and precious. You do not deserve to be hidden, so shine else you wither away. 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

#IseeGodInEverything
#TellerOfTales

Xoxo

As always, if this has blessed you, please do share. 😘😘😘

God bless you now and always

It is time to let go

My daughter, Nifemi and I attended a wedding sometime ago. I ran into an old friend of mine who was just meeting her for the first time. As is the norm, he reached for his pocket and gave her 'something' which was a N1000 note. I stylishly collected from her and put in my bag. It couldn't have come at a better time. I was in a very dry season. Y'all know those kind of seasons😂 broke but still looking fly. Anyhoo, in my head, I had finished spending that money. I had allocated it to different things. My mood was lightened up. This N1000 was really going to make my life easier. We got home and I dropped my bag on the bed and got into the kitchen to make something for us to eat. Unknown to me, Nifemi had gone to my bag, taken the money and tore it in two. Oh my chest😅 I think I may have had symptoms of a heart attack that day. I was first infuriated but then I thought to myself, 'I can fix this'. So I began to search frantically for the missing piece. 'I'll just use a cellotape, it will be fine'. Minutes turned to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and I never found the missing piece. I refused to let the other half go. I held on to 'what could have been' if that money was in hand. I asked if the banks could take It and I was told I needed the missing piece. I was obsessed with trying to figure out what time exactly she took it out of the bag. I became an FBI agent. It was too valuable to let go. Hundreds of N1000 notes have passed through my hands since then but I still clung to this one with the missing piece. Yesterday, I let it go. I have finally accepted that it is gone. It's been over a year and we have even changed houses, it's time to move on.

I would like to speak/write to people like me who have experienced some kind of loss. I made the decision earlier in the year to hand over my school to someone else and join my mum at the Headquarters. It was a very painful decision I was not willing to take. It was drowning me financially, emotionally and psychological. I knew I would have to make that decision sooner or later but I had invested tears and blood and I was not willing to let go. I held onto 'what could be of the school' maybe another month, maybe in a few months and so I continued to fall apart. Everyone counselled me to move on but I just could not. 'It has potential' I argued, just a few more months and I would be oKay. Well, I wasn't. I knew it was time. I handed over and I legit thought the school would be over. Not only has the school grown under new leadership, no pupil was lost and all staff remained. I cried. Look at God! I was holding so tightly when He wanted me to release it and watch it blossom.

Probably you might have lost a loved one to the cold hands of death and you just can't bring yourself to move on. You are holding so dearly to what could have been. God is asking you to let go. Or a business you have toiled so hard for and you can't just let it go. It is killing you but you'd rather die. There's a fine line between perseverance and foolishness. Let it go. Perhaps, you're a student in a wrong discipline and you know it. You have probably spent 2-3 years and you are wondering how to start over. Please do have a rethink. It makes no sense to hold unto something that is not working. Or you are probably engaged to be married and you know that Person is not your missing piece. So you try to fix it and manage the situation. Don't. Let it go. The missing piece will find you. You won't have to go crazy looking for it.

It is not cowardice to walk away, it takes strength. You are a hero. It is okay to move on. People may laugh and make snide comments, Yes. But YOU win in the end and that is what counts. That at the end when you look back on your life, you didn't just settle or manage or continually be in hope for something that was not meant to be but that your life is COMPLETE, MEANINGFUL and you are at REST.

P.S If you've ever had to deal with the death of a loved one, miscarriage, divorce, broken engagement, career change, business failure; know that you are the real MVP. There is more to your story.

Have a blessed week and if this has blessed you please do share with your family and friends. Thank you for your love always.

Peace, love and light ❤