Episode 5 #ThirtyTales

 Won fe get me ni London (2)

It was the Holy Ghost Congress held by the Redeemed Christian Church of God. I had never sat under Daddy G.O's ministration before so I was excited to attend. It was a vigil but knowing how Nigerians are everywhere, I thought it wise to set out early so I could get a front row seat in the auditorium.

I was on the train by 5pm and as expected, it was crowded with Nigerians also on their way to the venue. It was terribly cold and every time the train made a stop, I contemplated getting down and going back home.

We finally arrived and the doors were locked. They opened it up at 8pm. You needed to see the race we all took to get front seats. I was seated on the third row. Very close to the anointing😁. After all the singing, dancing, prayers, special numbers; I was already exhausted when Daddy G.O began his ministration. I was very sleepy. I decided not to disgrace my father by sleeping like some of my front row colleagues so I went out for some air.

I walked around for a bit and then found a chair and sat. I had barely settled in when this young guy walked up to me. 'Are you from Lagos", he asked. I was startled. "No, why?", I replied. " I'm from Lagos and you look like a Lagos babe", he said. I explained how I was born Kogi but lived all my life in Kaduna. He said he had never been to Kaduna all the years he lived in Nigeria and wanted to know more. I obliged him and before I knew it, about 45 minutes had gone by. I told him I needed to go back in and continue the service. We exchanged BBM pins and I went on my way.

Service ended in the early hours of the morning. I think about 3am. There were no trains and it had began to snow. An acquaintance from my own church who also attended the Congress offered to take me to her house so I could leave from there when the day was bright. We walked to her home. Upon arrival as we stepped into her living room, I froze. I saw different colours of prayer candles and water. She saw my confusion as we attended the same church and we never used those items. She explained that it belonged to her mum who was inside sleeping.

She said I could sleep on the couch and she went in. I was scared. I dozed for a bit and I had a dream that I was being sacrificed and surrounded by red candles (disclaimer- I do not associate use of candles to sacrifices). I woke up and decided to sit till daybreak. I was sleep deprivied, tired and hungry. By 6am on the dot, I left.

I got back at about 9am, sent a text to my parents in Nigeria that I was back home safe and I was switching off my phone in order to sleep. I slept the whole day. I did not know more drama was coming my way.

By 7pm, I received a BBM message from the guy I met at the Congress. He said he was on his way to Harrow to see me. See me? For what? There was snow, it was extremely cold. It made no sense to visit anyone at that kind of time. I sent him the address and I called on my friend who stayed next door to come stay with me.

Few minutes later, he was outside the door. I asked if he was just passing by. He said he left Surrey to come see me. 😂 I did not understand o but I sha offered him tea for the cold. My friend stayed put. By 9pm, our conversation went thus:
Me: It's late o, come and be going
Him: I thought I was sleeping over
Me: How? As what?
Him: *Visibly angry* Do you know after the vigil, I went back to Surrey. I barely rested and I spent almost 2 hours travelling back to see you.
Me: I did not invite you. How is this my business?
*My friend leaves at this point*
Him: Please now, let me just stay
Me: *Now angry* Walks towards the door and opens it. Please leave.
Him: *approaches the door* Ok, just give me small kiss so my coming will not be in vain
Me: It's like you're mad. Ogbeni get out!
He stormed off angrily.

I'm still trying to understand what happened that day.

Kaduna- 1
Lagos- 0

Lagos boys, is that how you people used to do?

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Won fe get me ni London (1)

Thirty Tales
#Episode 4

Won fe get me ni London (1)

Finding a church to attend in London was a herculean task. They were either too far, oyinboish or unserious. I found a Nigerian church online and service time was said to be 8am. I was at the church door at 8:05am. It was a small church, I think I counted about 15 people. I met them sitting in groups and chatting AT PAST 8. When they noticed me; I was obviously new, a woman got up and said "it's time for Sunday school o". I managed to stay for about 20 minutes then I snuck out and went back home to watch an online service.

I finally found a predominantly Nigerian church that I loved eventhough it was 2 hours away from me. On my first day, I got up when the announcement for new comers was made. As usual, we were asked to wait behind and our details were taken.

On my way out of the church premises; this fine looking man dressed in a three piece suit with this sharp cut beard approached me. "Hi, I noticed you're new. My name is ***", he said to me. In my mind I was singing "I never knew you could honour me this way daddyyyy". I was already thinking of how beautiful our kids will be.

He offered to drop me off but when I told him where I was going; he said he would drop me at the train station. When we got to the car park ladies and gentlemen!!! This guy walked straight to the only range rover that was parked there. It was customized in his name. Baba God is this how you use to do your things!!!

We exchanged BBM pins and we agreed to meet during the week for dinner. He sent messages later to check on me and ensure I got home safe. That Sunday evening I was lying down imagining my fairy tale life when my phone rang. "Hello my name is Bro ****** from church", the caller said. We exchanged pleasantries. He was part of the follow-up team who had spoken to all the new comers in church. He had picked my number from the form I had filled earlier in the day.

"We saw you leave church with a certain young man today. I just wanted to inform you that he is a scammer and he dupes people. Please be careful". I thanked him and dropped the call. I sharply blocked uncle fine boy on bbm and from calling me. The next time I saw him in church, I walked past him like we had never met. The shock on his face could not be hidden. Eleda mi, ese o.

Few weeks later, uncle follow-up from church sent me a mesage asking to take me out. Come o uncle follow-up, did you deliberately send prince charming out of my life so you could get in or was he really a scammer? This is an answer I will never know because I blocked him too😂

I keep feeling in my heart though that uncle follow-up formed this story because he felt he would not stand a chance with uncle fine boy.

Bobo yen get me sha. But we move! I decided to face the book they sent me to go and read.

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

 

Corper Wee Tales

 Thirty Tales

Episode 3

Corper Wee Tales

Omo! I had the strictest boss ever in my PPA. Everyone was scared of her. She was mean and used really demeaning words on people. My grandma died and we were to travel for the burial. The burial was for Friday but my parents were to leave the Monday before that and they were to pick me along. The difficult part was asking for permission. Her PA prepped me on how to go about it. I was to take an invitation card addressed to her and then chip in my request. I prayed and was even fasting before I went in. I gave he and sought permission to be absent for the week. She looked at me and said "Even if it is your mother that died, I will not give you one week". Huh! I wanted to say "my mother will not die in Jesus name" but I changed my mind and said it in my heart. She eventually gave me Thursday and Friday. My daddy had to send someone back to get me. Every time I think of her, I never want to be that kind of boss.

-----‐---------------------------------------------------------------

When everybody was using office internet to apply for jobs and/or trying to get themselves retained, I was applying to schools in the UK. It was what I wanted and I did not know how I was going to go about it but I just gave it a shot. All the schools I wanted required me to write long articles. It took so much of my time. Then I found University of Westminster and the course "Global media". I immediately fell in love with it. I read reviews and the school ranked top as the best university in media in the UK. I waited about a month ro hear back from them and I was accepted. 

It was at this point I told my parents all that I had been doing in the background and the rest they say history.

If you want something, go for it. 

Your favourite writer girl,

Love

Thirty Tales(2) Sexual Predators 2

 

Thirty Tales

On sexual predators (2)

I don't really think I was too much of a bookworm. I think people are just exaggerating 😂. I kid. Me sef I know say I like book.

Anyway, when I found out the amount of course work we had to cover in uni; I decided I needed to read smarter and not longer. Getting an A was simple logic. I took my CAs very seriously. So if for instance I score a 30 out of 40 in my CA, It means I only need 40 marks in exam to get an A (A begins from 70 marks).

We were required to answer only 4 questions. If a question carries 20 marks then it means I only need to answer 2 questions correctly. In addition to my 30 marks in CA, I already have an A. It was so simple.

Most times, I would select topics I knew were sure to come out, about 4-5 of them and leave the rest. This method worked almost all the time (there were difficult courses like Syntax, Phonology etc. that this could not work for). I mostly had As and then some Bs. My life was great. I had plotted my way to a first class from 100 level.

One Monday evening, I was lying on my bed when I received a text. It read "Meet me at Atlas hotel by 10am on Wednesday. Dr. O*****". I must have read it like 10 times. Me? Hotel? For what? I deleted the text. On Wednesday, I switched off my phone throughout the day. I avoided Dr. O***** (who was taking us two courses that semester) throughout that week. By the next Monday, I got the same text. I switched off my phone again on Wednesday.

By the next class, I sat behind so we would not even make eye contact. Two people behind me were talking. Next thing I heard "You, you are busy making noise in my class abi, get out". I turned to look at the culprits and faced my front again. "Is it not you I'm talking to?". It was now obvious he was referring to me. Everyone around me was like "Ah sir, she was not talking o". He shouted "get out of my class". That's how I gathered my things. A whole me! The golden child being sent out of a class. Na wa o. E pain am sha as I ghost am.

I ran into him once at the school entrance, I greeted him and he ignored me. Exams now came. I had passed this man's CAs. Instead of selecting topics, I read all because I knew he was out for me. What's the worst that he could do? I knew he could not fail me. It wouldn't make sense for a straight A student to suddenly come up with an F. But this man was smart. Results came out and he gave me 2 Cs in both courses that he took us. Getting 2 Cs in my 300 level second semester shattered my dreams of a first class. It was not something that could be reported. It did not add up but there was nothing I could do. The next time I saw him, he had this smirk on his face that said "Do me, I do you".

Thank God for God sha that does not need a first class to bless you. Grateful for how things turned out because it turns out, you do not need to have a first class to live a first class life.

Your favourite writer girl,

Love

Thirty Tales (1)

 

THIRTY TALES- I turn 30 in 8 days. I hope to post stories from the decade 21-30 every day until the 2nd of February.

On sexual predators

I got into the university at the age of 16. I was a child. Both my parents went with me to settle me in just like in the days of boarding school. This time however, things were different. There was this huge void. It felt like I had been left alone to face the world. I cried after they left. On most days, before lectures resumed; I would go to the common room and sit there for hours lost in my own thoughts. I just wanted my mummy.

Registration began and we had to get our courses for the semester signed on the course form by each lecturer. One of such courses was a compulsory borrowed course from the English department (I studied Linguistics in my first degree). I joined the queue outside the lecturer's office. Everyone went in and came out swiftly and then it was my turn. I got in, closed the door behind me and greeted him waiting for him to gesture that I approach his table.

He looked up at me, put his head back down and continued what he was doing. I was confused. So I managed to mutter "Please sir, I would like to sign my course form". "Sit", he said. I wondered if that was the process everyone else went through. I sat but I was very uneasy, I just wanted to get it over with.

He got up, came around the table and sat by the chair next to me. "What's your name?", he asked. "Love", I said. "Let me have the course form", he said. I handed it over to him. "06224004", he said calling out my student identification number as he handed it back to me without signing. "I like you. Be mine and enjoy your life in this school till you graduate. You will never have to read to pass", he said as he placed his hand on my left thigh. I jumped up clutching my course form to my chest. I was furious. My eyes must have turned red from anger. I said nothing. I turned around and headed for the door. Just as I placed my hand on the knob, he said "I know your registration number, I will find you". I did not look back as I opened the door and walked away. I was trembling.

I ran back to my room, buried my head in my pillow and cried. I contemplated calling my mother but I changed my mind. She would panic and there really wasn't anything she could do. I was now a big girl. Big girl, big problems.

I avoided the road that led to his office for the longest time possible and till almost end of the semester, my course form was still not signed. Luckily for me, the course rep was asked to gather all unsigned course forms as there were many people who resumed late and it was not practical for them to go individually to every lecturer. I snuck my course form in and it was signed along with the rest. The idiot must have missed my name and number. It was easy to avoid him in the lecture halls (we barely had lectures anyway. We read on our own for most courses). It was a very large class consisting of hundreds of students. At the end of that semester, I had straight As (or almost..) in all courses including his. He must have forgotten about me or so I thought.

We never saw again until I was in 400 level. We had been taken to a Government secondary school to write our exams. As I walked into one if the classes, there he was. He smiled wryly. He was an invigilator. I quickly did an about turn. I went to stay under a tree until it was time for the paper. I went to another class and stayed at a corner. The idiot was searching for me. I could see him from where I sat moving from class to class. He would pop his head in, scan the class and move. He finally got to mine. He popped his in, saw me and approached my table. I did not look up. I continued writing. He stood over my head and would not move so I finally looked up. He took my answer script, turned to the first page and read out my registration number; "06224004". He dropped it and said "I told you I will find you" and then he walked away.

Nothing came of his threats as I passed that particular course he invigilated with an A. We never saw again.

Sometimes I think about it and I wish i could get the police to find him and arrest him. I wish I wasn't so scared. I wish I sought legal action. I wish I knew what I know now. How do you sexually harass and threaten a child? I was 16!!!

BUT I am thankful to God who always keeps His promise to protect us.

"...the Lord always does what he has promised...He will keep you safe when Satan attacks you."
2 Thessalonians 3:3 EASY translation

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

Live band or DJ

True Life Story.

As wedding preparation began, my dad said he would handle music. I was already in the process of trying to get the number of a DJ that I had seen perform.

My father said not to worry about it. I specifically told him, 'Live band and DJ'. Weeks to the wedding, I would randomly remind him and he would say 'I don't know who disturbs most, you or your mother'. Ok o.

A day before the wedding, he went to check out the venue. When he got back, he was gisting me how the decorator had transformed the hall. I was excited and then I quickly asked, "Has the DJ set up?". He told me they would set up the next day. I even chipped in 'please tell him to play 'clean' songs' (original PK).

Day of wedding came. Beautiful day!.Then it was time for reception. Live band began. Lovely something. I now whispered to MC that DJ can start now, that Live band is okay. He now said 'but there's no DJ'. I was confused. I asked him to please go and check again. NO DJ

Fam, I wanted to cry. But I remembered hubs and I had agreed that NOTHING was going to spoil our day. So I decided to fully enjoy my liveband (see pictures). I even started spraying them money after they hailed me 😂

Appaz my father did not know the difference between DJ and LIVE BAND. Music is music 😀

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.

The Akara story

On Sunday morning, I opened my eyes at 4:45am. After I prayed, I went into the kitchen. I looked around, measured three cups of beans and started the process of akara. Totally unplanned. I was on my feet from start to finish (but trust me to take the easier road with these kind of things, I peeled the back of the beans with a blender).

Now if you know me personally, you will know that kitchen activities are not my forte, neither will I randomly pick a 'difficult' choice of home made akara (which I have not done in years) over a simple bread and tea for breakfast.

I did not know what had gotten into me. Then it occured to me that an Instagram account I follow (@foodace) had posted the previous night that she would be making akara and pap for breakfast the next day. I casually swiped past the post and had no idea it had registered in my subconscious.

That was why the first thing that came to mind as I stepped into my kitchen was to make akara. INFLUENCE. It was a great influence though as my daughter has now crowned me "Best Cook in the World". You should have seen me grinning from ear to ear. She said my akara taste better than the one we buy. I feel proud.

On a daily basis, we are all being influenced by what we see, hear and read; consciously and otherwise. We must guard our hearts especially at a time like this. Watching porn or masturbation videos on social media is never just casual. It goes to register itself in your mind and you become a slave to it. Don't do it. It's not worth it.

Use this time to read great books (and save your data), watch great movies (there's OVERCOMER on netflix), filter WhatsApp broadcasts and PRAY. Only let positive influence filter through.

If you haven't read my amazing book, #31mornings, now is a great time to get the PDF for just N1,000 (check flier attached for details). We now have all the time in the world to read.

What or who are you allowing to influence you? Guard your hearts.

Peace, love and serenity,

Your favourite writer girl,
Love.