MEMOIRS OF A FAT GIRL IN A SLIM WORLD by me again

                                  MEMOIRS OF A FAT GIRL IN A SLIM WORLD

"Fatty bombom Arubutus" was the Jest song that always welcomed me. I've been on a diet for as long as I can remember. I remember forcing my body into under sized clothes. I remember the loneliness, the darkness, the rejection, the pain and even the tears as a child. Times when Jesus was the only friend I had, days when I didn't want to go to school and would feign illness because I couldn't stomach any ridicule for that day, countless humiliations at bus stations, nasty comments from fellow passengers. Days when I was scared to go shopping because of the embarrassment of not finding my size and fear of the remarks by the shop attendants. I remember one once said to me 'Kai, we only sell normal sizes here o'. Meeting people was my greatest phobia because I would keep trying to figure out what they thought about me, I could just be a shapeless amoeba to them. I had to be measured specially for uniforms. I was a very angry , I blamed my mum, perhaps if she wasn't fat, I wouldn't be fat too, as I am her exact copy. I never got the 'happening' guys, no matter how hard I dressed up for social nights(every Saturday night in my boarding house), any guy that liked me then must be a reflection of God's kind of love. I never belonged to any clique, I got sent on many errands by seniors. A senior once said to me 'Wash my uniform for me and I'll be your friend'. That was a good catch because she was popular, I obliged and of course, she did not keep to her words. Another said to me '...you irritate me, don't fetch my drinking water, just bring my bathing water'. I'll never forget. Those days were dark, very dark indeed. At InterHouse competitions, we the fat people never got to play queens or princesses, we had three options, you either match, be a bodyguard or you sit!!!

I fell into depression, I ate and kept to myself a lot. Then I met someone, he told me I could talk to God about ANYTHING and so I prayed amidst tears and I said 'Lord I need you now, I need you to deliver me, I want confidence'. That was it, my breakthrough came. I felt good within, I had defeated inferiority and it was the best feeling ever.

I got into the university and discovered it was a different ball game and even though it took me a year, I decided to 'up' my game. Rumours had it that a man had started to spend on me...lol, when girl was shabby, they were irritated, now girl was all fly, they still had something to say. As a matter of fact, the first day someone called me a 'snob' is still one of my best days of my life- me that was inferior is now making someone feel intimidated...lol (but I've changed o, I'm now a good girl). My friends always say to me "overconfidence dey worry you" and it feels very good to finally be loved and accepted. I've dropped from a size 20 to a size 16 and I'm still on my journey and enjoying every bit of it. I thank God for the bad days, they made me stronger and the good days now outweigh the bad.It's a daily struggle and I keep winning. I have so much to be grateful for.